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Open to the Infinetentiary in the year 207̃012.
Blendin Blandin has escaped from prison and wearing a cloak, Lolph and Dundgren are chasing him.
Deep Voice Halt!
Dungren I've got to hand it to this perp, no one's broken out of the Infinitentiary before.
Lolph He's either the bravest time convict I've ever seen, or the dumbest.
Blendin Blandin (Turns and runs into wall) Ow! (Stumbles into barrels and falls over causing his face to be revealed) Oh! My time-knee! Oh, time-dang it!
Dundgren Definitely the dumbest.
Lolph Freeze! You're surrounded by the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron. Anything you say can and already has been used against you in future court.
Dundgren This is it, Blendin. End of the timeline. Any last words?

Blendin

Uh-uh-uh-uh-I-I-I-I... I INVOKE GLOBNAR!
Crowd (Talks about Globnar)
Dundgren Very well, speak the name and century of those accused.

Blendin

The two kids that ruined my life: Dipper and Mabel Pines. 21st century.
Dundgren's tablet searches and finds a clip of Dipper and Mabel hitting each other with baseball bats and laughing. The clip is shown on every screen in the shot, with the words "GLOBNAR TRIBUTES" over it.
Lolph So be it. May Time Baby have mercy on their souls.
Cut to theme song.
Cut to Dipper and Mabel standing in front of a vending machine at the Mystery Shack, inserting coins, pressing selection buttons and eagerly anticipating candy.
Dipper and Mabel Pines Candy! Candy! Candy!
The vending machine attempts to drop a bag of candy, but it gets stuck.
Dipper No! It's trapped!
Mabel Everything is terrible forever!
Soos Ramirez Psst. Hey, dudes! You wanna know a trick? (Hits vending machine with hands and elbow) Bibbity-boop. Wop! (Vending machine opens) A genius taught me that once. (Grabs candy from the machine) This just in: weather stations are calling for a... candy blizzard! (Throws candy on them)
Mabel Forget taking off the wrappers! I'm eating these now! (Stuffs handfuls of unwrapped candy into mouth)
Dipper Soos, you are the greatest human ever to live.
Mabel Agh! Oh! (Choking) That was a mistake! (Collapses)
Soos Hey, no sweat, dude. (Putting money in machine) I'd do anything for the Pines family.
Stan Pines (Offscreen:) Soos! I need to scratch myself in two places at once!
Soos And I mean anything! Coming Mr. Pines! (Walks away)
Mabel (Hitting herself in stomach and spitting up candy) Hack! Haw!
Dipper (Sees Soos' wallet left on the table) Whoa! Better makes sure he gets his wallet back.
Mabel Wait! I've never seen Soos' wallet before. Don't you wanna learn some Soos secrets?
Dipper I don't know if we should be- (Takes out a membership card) Wo-oah! Soos has a membership to Laser Tag? Ha ha, I didn't know they let grown-ups in there.
Mabel And look. (Pulls out salami with sticky note that says, "emergency") Emergency salami! Soos, my respect for you has grown.
Dipper (Reading from driver's licsence:) "Jésus Alzamirano Ramirez. Organ donor. Birthday: July 13th." Wait a minute. That's today.
Mabel Woah...
Dipper That's weird. I wonder why he didn't tell anyone.
Mabel Uh-duh! It's probably because he wants someone to throw him a surprise party; I can relate. I've been waiting for a surprise party my whole life.
Candy Chiu (Walks up and throws confetti on her) Surprise!
Mabel Too little, too late, Chiu.
Candy Awww.
Cut to everyone outside and Grenda painting a sign that says "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY YO!!!!!"
Mabel More exclamation points! More I say!
Grenda Wow, you guys thought of everything!
Mabel (As Dipper puts a cake on the table) Grenda, twins are born birthday experts.
Dipper We've shared every birthday together, so we know how to make them perfect.
Dipper and Mabel (High five, touch heels, and blow party blowers)
Dipper Hey. places everyone! I hear footsteps!
Grenda (As they hide behind a table) Everyone be QUIET!
Soos (With a blindfold on, while Candy leads him on) Alright, You promised a giant hummingbird, so I'm expecting to see a giant hummingbird.
Candy Three, two, one... (Yanks blindfold off)
Soos (Sees party) Huh?
Dipper, Mabel and Grenda Surprise!
Mabel Happy birthday, you king on Earth! We got everything you love. Cake-flavored pizza, pizza-flavored cake, (Leading him to a tent labeled "Razzle-Dazzler") and one more treat...
The curtain opens to reveal Toby Determined in a red sequined leotard with a big sparkly blue bow dancing.
Toby Razzle dazzle, friends! It's the Razz-dazzler! This is what my life has become.
Soos I... I...
Mabel Quick! Everyone pose for the birthday smiles memory album! (Takes picture)
When the photo comes out, everyone sees that Soos is frowning.
Dipper Soos, what's wrong?
Soos It's uh. It's nothing. I, uh. I gotta go fix a pipe or something. (Walks away with fists clenched, head down and eyes closed)
Soos leaves, walking around the corner of the Mystery Shack. Wendy and Stan walk in from around the same corner, staring at Soos.
Wendy Corduroy Hey, did you guys see Soos? What happened to--? (Sees party) Oh no. Oh no, no. Okay, you guys didn't know so it's not your fault, but Soos hates his birthday.
Dipper and Mabel What?
Wendy It's a total mystery. I guess he's been like this since he was a kid. Some weird personal biz.
Mabel There's gotta be something we can do!
Wendy We've tried everything.
Stan I even petitioned the government to have this day removed from calenders. Now I'm not allowed on airplanes. (Holds up mug shot of himself stamped "BANNED" and marked "DANGER FLIGHT RISK")
Cut to Soos on the porch looking at a postcard that says "Hello! from New Orleans"
Soos (Sighs)
Wendy (With others, watching him from behind the house) I don't know, guys. Maybe we should just leave him alone, you know?
Dipper No one should be alone on their birthday. There's gotta be a way to cheer him up. We just have to try harder.
Mabel You're right, Dipper! It's time for us to bring out the big guns!
Cut to Mr. ZZZ's Big Gunz Laser Tag. Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Stan, Wendy, Candy, and Grenda are walking in.
Soos (With blindfolds on) Alright, guys. Blindfold me once, shame on you. Blindfold me twice- wait a minute. Hot dog smell? Sticky floors? Future sounds? (Takes off blindfold) Laser tag? I-I love laser tag. How'd you guys know?
Mabel Um, we definitely didn't rifle through your wallet? (Awkwardly laughs)
Laser Tag Announcer Welcome to the year 8000. Society: collapsed. Fog machines: everywhere.
Wendy Are these walls just mattresses spray painted purple?
Stan Think this place used to be a mattress store.
Soos I-I don't know, guys. I'm not sure I'm up to this today.
Dipper Don't worry, Soos. As soon as you start playing with us, you're gonna have a great time.
Mabel We promise, no matter what happens, we won't leave your side.
Soos Well, I guess I could give it a shot.
Laser Tag Announcer Prepare for laser battle! In three, two, (Writing on billboard: "GO!" as buzzer sounds)
Everyone except Dipper, Mabel and Soos run in the battle zone
Soos (Sees untied shoes) Wu-oh. Better tie down these cowboys.
Dipper and Mabel start to run for the room but suddenly the entrance becomes a portal to the future and the two go through
Mabel Whoa, this is even cooler than I imagined! Look how real these laser guys are! (She kicks Lolph twice in the crotch)
Digi-cod Kick deflected! Thank you for buying Digi-cod: the smart codpiece!
Mabel Wait, what?
Dipper (Gasps. Turns and sees portal closing behind him) Oh no! Soos! (The portal closes)
Soos (Walks into laser room) Mabel? Dipper? Dudes?
On the other side
Dipper Soos!
(Mabel kicks the wall repeatedly)
Lolph Nice try. But that's solid time-tanium, kid! There's only one way out of here!
Blendin Through me... (Shows only Blendin's head and hands) Oh, uh, (He fiddles with and punches his wristwatch as his uniform alternates through scenery) Sorry... C-come on... (Uniform turns to his normal gray suit) Through me! And that's, what it would be like if I'd just...gotten it right the very first chance, but it's still as effective.
Dipper and Mabel gasp
Mabel The time traveler guy! What did you say your name was again? Blendo... Blondin...
Dipper (Snaps fingers) Blar-blar!
Mabel There it is!
Blendin It's Blendin! Blendin Blenjamin Blandin! How could you not know my name after you ruined my life?
Dipper and Mabel look at each other, confused.
Blendin Initiate flashback! (Presses button on wristwatch, and a holographic screen is projected) It was after you stole my time device to win your stupid pig! I was cast out of the Time Anomaly Removal Crew; my whole life's purpose. (On screen: a hand rips off Blendin's name tag, and his suit turns into a prison design) And then I was given ten squared life sentences in time prison. I spent every day since then planning my vengeance. (On screen: Blendin shapes mashed slop like Dipper and Mabel's faces, then squishes them. Turns off flashback) And now finally, it has come!
Dipper Look, we're sorry about all that, but we're in the middle of something really important right now.
Mabel It's our friend's birthday today, and we promised we wouldn't leave his side!
Blendin What? You think some dumb birthday matters right now? Do you know where you are? Welcome...to Globnar!
The far end of the room opens to show the Globnar arena. Events are taken place, like falling through portals, being set on fire, fighting a glob monster, battling on a moving clock, and fighting one another with age-altering weapons.
Mabel Is this a reality show? Are we in Japan?
Blendin It's gladiatorial time combat!
A man in a green future suit falls down, and a man in a sky-blue future suit is lifted up by a rock.
Blendin The winner gets a precious time wish, and then decides the loser's fate!
Loser (Shaking with fear) N-n-no! Please!
Winner (Holds up a thumbs-up, then changes it to thumbs-down and smiles. Loser screams while being vacuumed away by a purple beam of light)
Blendin And the two of you are officially challenged. Dundgren! Get me my war-paint.
Mabel Dipper, we need a way out of here! But how?
Dipper (Sees Lolph with a time device) I have an idea.
Mabel Hang in there Soos, we're coming for you.
Cut back to laser tag at ZZZ Big Guns
Soos Dipper? Mabel? Requesting backup! Ah! Oh! Ah, Ah! Oh no! (Gets hit by several lasers from all directions)
Robbie Valentino (He enters from the left, shooting Soos' Laser Tag chestpiece) Ha ha ha! Laser Robbie!
Soos (Sweats) Dudes?
Cut back to the Globnar arena
Mabel (Clears throat and looks at Lolph) Oh my stars! Could it be? My little, uh-hum... (looks at Lolph's name tag) Lolphie! It's me! Your great-great-great-(Looks at Dipper questioningly, who signals her to keep going)-great-great-great-(as Dipper holds up his hand in a stop gesture)-great grandmother! From the past times.
Lolph (Stares at Mabel menacingly, then smiles) Gam Gam?
(Dipper takes the time device from Lolph's belt)
Blendin (As Dundgren is painting on Blendin's face) Yeah, neon green is good, this is a good color for me. It's fierce-- (Notices Dipper) Who? What? No! You can't let them escape! Stop them! (Dives at Dipper and Mabel, who run, tripping Dundgren who also tried to jump at them)
Lolph Gam Gam! How could you?
Mabel I ain't no one's Gam Gam, sucka! You just got time-tricked!
Dundgren (In slow motion with a deep voice:) Noooo!
Blendin (In slow motion with a deep voice:) Noooo!
Mabel Hurry! Back to Soos' birthday!
Dipper Okay! I think...I've...got it! (Lets go of tape and links arms with Mabel. They disappear and reappear in midair)
Dipper and Mabel Ahhh! (Fall and land on mattress)
Mabel Uh... Are we back?
Dipper Oh, no, look! Mabel, the laser place is a mattress store! We went too far in the past!
Mabel Time travel, man! Why you gotta be so complicated?
Dipper and Mabel duck under a bad as Blendin, Lolph, and Dundgren land on a bed close by
Dundgren It looks like they overshot their destination by 10 years.
Blendin I don't see them. (Wipes off face-paint) You better find those kids!
Lolph You'll get your justice, Blendin.
Blendin I'm gonna keep stammering until you find them! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I...!
Lolph I hate that guy.
Dundgren Let's move.
Lolph and Dundgren (Jump and flip over the mattresses and land in front of the door) Yeah! (Fist bump, the walk out the door)
Dipper Okay. We just gotta to go forward 10 years. We can be back before Soos even realizes we were gone.
Mabel Oh no! (Looks at time machine, which is dented and and radiates blue electricity) The timey thing, it's busted! Can you fix it?
Dipper M-m-maybe. I need some tools. And I think I know where to get some.
Pan to sign reading "MYSTERY SHACK 1 mile"
Dipper (Walking in the street with Mabel) Let's try to lay low. We don't want to change the future. Or cause the future. I forget how this works exactly.
Tyler is listening to a boom box mounted on his shoulder, Sheriff Blubs has an afro, and Tats is getting his first tattoo. A billboard shows Bud Gleeful and a baby Gideon and reads: "BUD'S AUTO JUST HAD A BABY" however the billboard is graffit-ed with red paint: "baby" is crossed off and replaced with "demon," Gideon is given horns, a tail, and a demon trident, Bud has a curly mustache, and the bottom right says "RV WUZ HERE."
Mabel Wow, ten years in the past.
Robbie chases Thompson, spraying him with a water gun.
Mabel Everything is same-y, but also different-y.
Toby (He dances at a studio as Dipper and Mabel walk by) A dah buh dee, dah buh dee do, yeah! Look out Broadway, here I come.
Mabel (She bangs on the glass to get Toby's attention; Yells:) This dream goes nowhere, Toby!
Toby Awww, Marbles!
Dipper and Mabel continue down the sidewalk. Bud Gleeful and Mrs. Gleeful push a stroller. Tambry and Wendy ride up to them on tricycles.
Dipper Woah!
Tambry Oops, sorry.
Wendy whispers into Tambry's ear
Tambry (Pointing at Dipper) My friend thinks you're cute.
Wendy Oh-my-gosh, Tambry! (She pushes Tambry off her tricycle) Shut up!
Tambry Ow! Hey!
Dipper (He blushes and nervously laughs) Thank you. I mean... you're super young, so this is weird.
Mabel Heheh, now you know how she feels, creep.
Dipper Heh heh, yeah, I-uh. Huh. Wow. (Pauses) Wooow...
Cut to Mystery Shack
Stan (Offscreen) Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, to see my latest attraction. A man, made of wax, and several other people, made of wax, It's a whole wax exhibit.
Dipper (Taking off laser tag vest) Alright. The coast is clear.
Mabel (Taking off laser tag vest) Now's our chance!
Dipper and Mabel (Get in through the window)
Dipper Hah! Bingo. (Picks up screwdriver) Alright, let's see...
Soos (To vending machine:) Ah, c'mon candy. Fall. Fall. (Bangs on glass)
Mabel (Walks over) Allow me. You just need to know a guy on the inside. Bippidy-boop. Wop! (Copies Soos' method of opening the vending machine. Reaches in and grabs some candy) Jackpot! (Turns to face Soos and gasps)
Soos Thanks, dawg. (Holds out hand and takes candy. Walks away) You must be some kind of genius.
Dipper (Using screwdriver) Alright. I think I've got this thing working.
Mabel (Shakes Dipper) Dipper, Dipper. Look. (Turns Dipper's face towards Soos)
Dipper No. Way.
Soos looks at a Mystery Shack staff shirt, then at his own wishfully.
Abuelita Mi precioso. You keep wandering off. You don't want to be late for your big day.
Soos (Walking out with his grandmother, holding her hand) Sorry, Abuelita.
Mabel Big day? This could be the birthday where that personal biz went down. We could finally find out why Soos hates his birthday.
Dipper (Looks at time travel device) Alright. But let's be quick.
Cut to Soos' house, with a birthday party in the backyard. Dipper and Mabel are spying on the party from behind bushes.
Kid (Running with friends) I want a piece of birthday cake!
Cousin (To Soos:) Who's a handsome birthday boy?
Cousin 2 It's you!
Abuelita (Carrying box. Laughs) Soos, you are such a lady's man.
Soos They're my cousins, grandma, gross.
Abuelita (Opens box) I got you a racecar cake.
Dipper Man, I don't know why Soos hate his birthdays, this looks great.
Soos (Licking frosting off of racecar. He sees a kid takes a seat at the head of the table) Uh, sorry dude, but could you move seats? That's the seat of honor.
Kid Uh, who's it for?
Soos Oh, heh. It's for my dad actually. I haven't seen him in like... eight years. But he's coming today! (Hears doorbell ring) That must be him! (Wipes face and rearranges party hat. Runs to the door as Mabel and Dipper follow, looking in through a window. Soos breathes in and out) Alright Soos. Today's the big day. Be cool. Be. Cool. (Opens door)
Mailman Postcard for... (Looks at postcard) ...Soos.
Soos (Takes postcard which says "Hello! from New Orleans", the same postcard present Soos was holding earlier. Reading backside:) "Sorry, champ. Couldn't make it this year. Real busy again. See you next year for sure. Dad."
Reggie Hey, don't sweat it, cuz. You'll see him next year.
Soos Heh, yeah. Next year. (Pulls out a box of postcards, all from different places: Massachusetts, New York, and all seem to have the same message. Puts postcard in box) Uh, I'm gonna go lay down. You party without me dudes. (Walks away)
Abuelita Wait! What about your presents? (Picks up present and pushed a key through the paper which makes a "Yayah!" similar to Soos' keyboard machine in Double Dipper)
Dipper So that's why Soos hates his birthday. It's the day he realized his dad wasn't coming back.
Mabel So, how much partying can fix that
Robbie (Shoots Dipper in face with a water gun) Heheh, dorks. Young Robbie!
Cut to Soos, sitting glumly in his room
Abuelita (Outside the room, to herself) Ay, Soos' father is a deadbeat! ¡Si alguna vez muestra su carota por aquí, se la voy a partir pieza por pieza! (Subtitled: "If he ever shows his face here again, I'll tear him limb from limb!") Ahem. (Walks into room) Soo-oo-oos. I made you cookies shaped like dinosaurs.
Soos I don't want cookies. I wanna see Dad again.
Abuelita And he wants to see you, he's just... busy.
Soos Busy in New Orleans...
Abuelita Aye, yes...Trust me. You will feel better someday.
Mabel (Spying through window with Dipper) Ugh, this is awful.
Dipper We promised Soos a happy birthday, but how can we give him that now? This goes beyond anything we know how to fix.
Blendin (Offscreen) Th-this way!
Dipper Uh-oh. Hide!
Lolph, Blendin and Dundgren walk to where Dipper and Mabel had been hiding.
Blendin They've gotta be around here somewhere. I-I-I think I heard them! (Looks at tree)
Lolph Freeze! (Shoots laser gun at tree, which blows up, revealing Robbie, who runs away crying) Trace their chrono-signatures.
Blendin Man, the sooner I defeat those kids in Globnar, the sooner I can win my time wish.
Dundgren Tell you what I'd do if I had a time wish. Retire early. Spend more time with the kids.
Blendin Naing Niang Niang Niang Niang, with the kids! Don't you know a time wish can do literally anything? Any impossible problem solved (Snaps finger) just like that? I mean, imagine the possibilities.
Dipper Wait, Mabel, that's it! The time wish! If we defeat Blendin in that space battle...
Mabel ...Then we can wish that Soos' dad came to his twelfth birthday!
Dipper And Soos' birthdays would be fixed forever. (Snaps finger) All of them.
Mabel But do you really think we can win Globnar?
Dipper It's the only chance we have. Besides, it's for Soos. He would do the same for us. (Walks out from behind tree with Mabel) Here we are Blendin. We surrender.
Blendin It's them!
Dundgren Freeze! (Points laser gun at them)
Lolph (Pulling out his own gun) Careful, they're from the past. They might have powder muskets or slap bracelets.
Dipper Look guys, no tricks this time. We're ready to challenge you, okay?
Blendin Yes! Let the Globnar begin! Prepare... for... GLOBNAAA- (Blendin's voice is cut off and a green mute symbol appears in front of his mouth)
Lolph Hey, turns out I can mute him.
Dundgren Man, I wish we'd known that earlier.
Lolph Initializing! (Presses button wrist, and the group disappears in a flash of white, leaving a red screwdriver behind)
Cut to the Globnar arena. The group reappears inside. The crowd is shouting "Globnar" repeatedly, punching their fists in the air, and the group is shown on a large screen at the edge of the arena. A large hole opens up one one end of the arena, and the Time Baby floats up out of it.
Time Baby Silence! (Most of the arena hushes)
Globnar Fan Wooh! Oh yea!
The Time Baby shoots Globnar fan with laser vision.
Mabel That is one big baby.
Time Baby (Raising hands) Welcome Globnar tributes! I have a very important nap to get to so let's make this quick. You each have a change to settle your time-feud through gladiatorial combat.
Robot (Carrying a baby bottle shaped like a hourglass and filled with a universal-textured substance) You will have until Time Baby finishes drinking the cosmic sand in this hourglass. (Moves to Time Baby)
Time Baby No!
Robot Come on. (Pokes Time Baby with bottle)
Time Baby Ow!
Robot It's good for you. (Pokes Time Baby with bottle)
Time Baby Wah!
Blendin Get ready, kids. When I get that time wish, you'll wish you were never born. Or rather, you'll wish you were born, because I'm gonna wish you were never born!
Dipper Dream on. There's two of us.
Mabel And we have hair!
Blendin Oh-oh, yeah? Well I have training! (Twirls spear) What do you think I did in prison all that time?
Mabel Uh oh.
Time Baby Let the Globnar... BEGIN!
Lightning is seen and a scoreboard lights up, giving each team zero points. Blendin's, Dipper's, and Mabel's handcuffs fall off. Blendin screams and the camera pans into his mouth.
Cut to various Globnar events: Blendin and Dipper fighting with sticks, Blendin pushes Dipper away and Mabel jumps at him, and he knocks her away as well. Blendin jumpes over the hands on the clock, but they trip Dipper and Mabel over and Blendin gets a point. ; Blendin and the twins each have futuristic cycles that can defy gravity. The twins' do a wheelie and speed up, crossing the finish line first and gaining a point. ; Cut to Dipper and Blendin playing a strange game, which is interrupted by a monster with a clock for a face. After a while of playing then two reams are tied at 244. A quick montage of images flash of other contests: Blendin chasing the kids on a giant wheel, Mabel and Blendin having a "time dog" eating contest, the tributes fighting in robotic cuckoo clock suits, having a wheelbarrow race, Mabel and Blendin fighting with spears on unicycles on a tightrope while Dipper swims through clocks to get away from a time shark, and the three playing a game that resembles a giant Jenga. A clock is seen and an announcer sings "Globnar." The tributes are seen working together and pushing the clock-faced monster through a door in the wall.
Time Baby Very good. You have escaped the Cyclocks.
Blendin Yes! Blendin for the almost-win!
The score is shown to be 764 to 763, Blendin.
Time Baby There is only one final challenge for Globnar. An ancient game, thousands of years old, chosen for its exemplification of pure strategy: The ancient art... of Laser Tag!
A course and laser guns appear.
Time Baby The one who touches the victory orb first will win!
Dipper Laser tag? Seriously?
Blendin Oh, I know it doesn't seem that challenging now, but just wait till they turn on that fog machine. You'll be done for! You just wait until ya--
Dipper (Shoots him multiple times, making the vest say "Hit!")
Blendin Aw, man.
Dipper Mabel, grab the orb!
Mabel (Runs up to the top of the pyramid to the orb) Got it! (Touches it and everything goes white)
Time Baby (He finishes drinking the cosmic sand) It is finished!
Robot (Pats the Time Baby's back and he burps)
The crowd cheers and the kids' score goes up to 999.
Blendin No! No! No! No! Nooooo!
Dipper and Mabel (High five) Yes!
Time Baby You have made victory in Globnar. Before I give you your time wish, tell us; what fate have you decided for the loser?
Blendin Oh, jeez...
Mabel Death!
Dipper Mabel!
Mabel Sorry. Got carried away...
Dipper So Blendin did try to wish us out of existence, but it was kind of our fault for ruining his life.
Mabel Yeah, and he's kind of too sad to be a real bad guy.
Dipper Maybe if we treat him right in the present, he'll turn out better in the future. (To Time Baby:) Okay. As long as you keep an eye on him, we'd like to set Blendin free, and restore his position at the Time Anomaly Correction Unit.
Mabel And give him pretty hair!
Time Baby So be it.
Blendin (Handcuffs fall off) Wh-what? You'd do that for me? (Mustache-shaped hair grows on his head) I got my job back! (Places hand on Lolph's chest) I feel like hugging somebody.
Lolph I can kill you in eight different ways.
Blendin (Removes hand) Yes, sir.
Time Baby (Rubbing face) Now, children. What is it that you want for your time wish?
A glowing orb floats down between Dipper and Mabel.
Mabel Thank you, but the wish... isn't for us.
Time Baby Not you? But then who? Who is worthy to receive such power?
Cut to Big Gunz Laser Tag.
Soos Dipper? Mabel? Aw, who am I kidding? I'm not up for this (Goes towards exit and takes out coin) Heads I stay, tails I go make myself some dinosaur shaped cookies. (Flips coin)
A kid is drinking from a water fountain when time starts to slow down. Two kids playing in the laser tag arena also slow down and stop. Soos's coin stops in mid-air.
Soos Huh. That's... unconventional.
Dipper and Mabel (They appear with Blendin) Soos!
Soos G-guys!
Dipper We're so sorry we left you hanging dude. We got caught up in this time travel junk--
Mabel And there was a time cyclops--
Dipper And don’t forget about the--
Mabel Heheh.
Dipper and Mabel Time race!
Mabel But, the point is, Soos, we think we know how to fix your birthday.
Soos Woah, really? Wait, you guys did all of that... for me?
Blendin And that's not all. (Presses button on wristwatch and the time wish appears) Behold your time wish! The power to alter time paradox free in any way you choose.
Dipper We think the only thing that can make you happy is meeting your dad.
Mabel But the choice is yours.
Soos You mean I can finally see my dad by touching this thing? And you guys battled through time and space just to get this for me? (Takes out postcard from New Orleans)
Dipper What are you waiting for, Soos?
Soos (Glances at postcard then puts it away) Alright, here goes nothing. (Places hand on time wish and it gives off white light. When the light clears, Mabel and Dipper get cleaned from their battles.)
Dipper What the--?
Mabel Wait what?
Soos Bam! I fixed you dudes up.
Dipper But Soos, what about meeting your dad?
Soos Well, birthdays are supposed to be spent with the people who care about you. But you know what, that dude didn’t care about me enough to visit me once, let alone fight monsters through time and space like you dudes. I mean, you had a gladiator fight, just to make me happy. I've been being ridiculous this whole time. Whoever my dad was, he can take a hike. (Throws postcard) I know who my family is now, and it’s you dudes. (Hugs the twins) Thanks for giving me the best birthday ever.
Blendin Are you kidding me?! Do you have any idea what you’ve just wasted?! Do you how many have died to get the time wish; The wars that were started?!
Soos Oh that’s not all dude. (Holds up slice of pizza) I also wished for this slice of infinite pizza. Watch. (Takes bite of pizza, which regenerates) And it can do that for like...infinity.
Dipper Oh yeah, okay, cool.
Blendin Okay, yeah. Phew. That’s a good time wish!
Soos There’s still ten minutes before Laser Tag closes. You dudes wanna play?
Dipper Yeah.
Dipper, Mabel and Soos run into Laser Tag zone, laughing.
Dipper and Mabel Happy birthday, Soos!
Cut to Credits Scene. It is 2002 and Soos is in his backyard.
Soos Whoa. Though I heard an explosion. (Sees screwdriver dropped by Dipper) Whoa, what’s this. (Reading print on screwdriver:) "Mystery Shack."
Cut to Mystery Shack
Stan (Throwing Durland outside.) "That is it! You are singlehandedly the worst handyman I've ever seen."
Soos Uh, hey. Excuse me sir.
Stan Hey you, gumdrop. Think you can fix a golf cart?
Soos Well, uh. I don’t know if I--
Stan (Throws Staff shirt on Soos) Boom. You’re hired. One size fits all. (To crowd:) Step right up to the Mystery Shack folks, step right up...
Soos (Looks happily at Stan)

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