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Static.
Opens to Dipper holding a basket of chicken strips.
Dipper Well, that concludes Gravity Falls anomaly #13, the Möbius chicken strip. (Eats chicken strip) It's infinitely delicious!
Something runs past the camera.
Dipper Whoa, hey! What the—
Camera falls over
Dipper (Picks up camera) Mabel, did you see that? Wake up!
Mabel Never. (Faces the other direction) Let me sleep forever.
Dipper Some creature just jumped out of nowhere! It's eating our leftover Summerween candy!
Mabel (Gets up) What?!
Dipper (points camera at the monster) Look!
Mabel Ew, it's like a... naked little man.
Dipper (Holds up title card) Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, # 76, uh, "That Thing?"
The Thing (Eats candy) (Picks up candy basket)
Mabel No, put it down. Put it down...
The Thing (Licks the basket)
Mabel Oh, gross!
Static.
Dipper (Comes into view dressed in squeaky toys) Okay, I'm ready. I've covered myself in armor. (Squeaks toy with golf club) I'm going to capture him for science.
Mabel And for candy!
Dipper Get this on tape in case I die or whatever. (walks over to the Thing and moves some candy with the golf club, then tries to catch it in a waste basket) Aha!
The Thing (Climbs up the ceiling)
Mabel Oh! Die mutant! Die! (Throws squeaky toy at it, but it comes back and hits her) Ow!
The Thing (Jumps into the staircase)
Dipper (Runs after it)
Mabel Save the candy!
Dipper Where is it? Have you seen it? (Gets attacked by the monster) Ah!
The Thing (Jumps down on Dipper and knocks him over, grabs candy and runs off)
Static.
(The Thing is on the fridge. It throws the cereal onto the floor)
Mabel Aw no!
Dipper (Throws a can at the Thing)
The Thing (Throws candy at Dipper)
Mabel He's wasting candy! Dipper, open your mouth! Try to catch the candy in your mouth!
Dipper What? No, why would I— (Catches candy in mouth and munches) Actually that's pretty good— (Gets hit by a big candy bar) Ah!
The Thing (Runs with candy into the living room and turns on the TV with his foot, then stares at it)
Mabel Look! He's hypnotized by the TV.
Dipper Ha! And he dropped the candy! What a little dummy! Glued to the... to the... Oh, I love this movie.
Static.
(Dipper, Mabel, and the Thing are watching TV. Dipper and Mabel are eating candy while the Thing eats a golf club)
Dipper Shouldn't we... (munches) do something about the monster?
Mabel Candy now. Monster later.
The Thing (Eats the golf club and whimpers, Dipper gets another one for it and eats it)
Soos Oh, hey Dipper! Hey Mabel! (pauses, then looks at The Thing) Hey Grunkle Stan!
Dipper (To the audience) Well, that's it for Dipper's Guide to the Supernatural. The next episode will probably be about getting rid of this candy-eating monster.
Soos (To the Thing) Psst! Stan, what's he talking about?
Static and shows a page.

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