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Open to a shot of the Gravity Falls Cemetery with a partly cloudy sky, and a star-shaped cloud. Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Nate, Tambry, Lee, and Thompson are watching the sky and pointing at clouds.
Mabel Pines Whoa! That cloud looks like a chipmunk! (Points to a cloud shaped like an animal; an airplane flies out of its "mouth")
Wendy Corduroy —Barfing an airplane. (Everyone laughs)
Dipper Pines It does.
Thompson (Points to a waffle-shaped cloud) Uh, that looks like... uh, a cloud!
Lee Boo!
Wendy Thompson, stop being the worst at everything.
Thompson (Chuckles) Sorry guys. (All laugh)
Mabel Look at the clouds! Ooh! That cloud looks like a big heart-shaped balloon!
Dipper Clouds don't come in colors. That is a balloon.
Wendy Oh dude! It's the Woodstick festival.
Dipper Wait, the wood what?
Wendy It's this annual outdoor concert featuring Oregon's up and coming indie bands. (Takes Tambry's cell phone out of her hands)
Tambry Hey!
Wendy flips through several images of the bands.
Wendy They're all coming! Scarves Indoors, Wood Grain on Everything, the Love God! You've probably seen him in that viral video.
Love God (In the video:) Who's ready to fall in love tonight? (The crowd cheers and he stumbles face-first into the camera) Whoa! Ow! I hope nobody's filming this!
Dipper Whoa! Like a real concert concert? I've never actually been to one of those before. (Brushes elbow)
Wendy That's because you've never had an awesome crew to roll with before! (She points at Nate, Lee, Mabel and Thompson sitting together; Thompson is holding a dirty sponge)
Lee Come on, Thompson!
Lee & Nate (Chanting:) Lick that sponge! Lick that sponge!
Thompson (Groans and licks the dirty sponge)
Lee, Nate, & Mabel (Laughing) Oh!
Nate Can't believe he's doing it!
Lee (Laughs) What are you doing man?
Wendy When you're with us, you're in! (Points at Dipper)
Groaning is heard. The gang looks worried. A flock of ravens chirp and fly away from branches.
Lee & Thompson (Gasp)
Mabel Ghosty sounds! Cemetery ghosty sounds! (Shakes Dipper)
Wendy It's coming from that open grave.
Nate You look! (Elbows Lee)
Lee No, you look! (Pushes Nate)
Dipper Thompson, go look.
Nate Heh. Nice use of Thompson.
Lee (Pushes Thompson toward grave)
Thompson (Peering into grave, worried) Ugh...
Everyone but Thompson (Chanting:) Gaze upon death! Gaze upon death!
Thompson looks into the grave and screams. Lightning strikes.
Cut to theme song.
Tambry Ugh! It's even creepier than I expected.
Cut to a full view so that everyone can be seen, as well as the open grave, where Robbie is lying, holding onto a picture of Wendy.
Robbie Valentino (Groans) Why did she leave me?
Wendy Robbie?
Robbie Wendy! Oh. Uh. (Chuckles nervously) Hey. What's up? Just hanging out in this grave, you know. Regular. Regular day for me.
Lee Whoa, dude. We haven't seen you in, like a million years. Where have you been?
Wendy You're not still mourning our break up, are you?
Robbie What? No way! (Glances at picture of Wendy and then quickly hides it)
Wendy (Rubbing the back of her neck nervously) Robbie, we split up forever ago. It's really sweet you'd throw yourself into a grave for me but, man, time to move on.
Robbie Huh, what? I'm totally moved on. (His cell phone begins to ring)
Cell phone ringtone (Robbie singing:) Wendy, I miss you so much. I'll never move on. Never ever.
Robbie (Eyes still on Wendy, Robbie throws cell phone back. It hits the headstone, breaking) That was a different Wendy. Unrelated Wendy.
Lee (Quietly, to Nate:) Dude, this is getting really awkward.
Tambry Yeah, the cemetery used to be fun, now it's just depressing.
Everyone but Mabel starts walking away.
Robbie (Sighs, grabs a shovel and begins to shovel dirt onto his head)
Mabel Wait! You guys! He's in pain. We can't just ditch him here.
Dipper Come on, Mabel, it's Robbie.
Mabel But he's suffering. How can I be happy if I know someone else is sad? It totally throws off my happiness chart.
Dipper Mabel, trust me. If there's one thing I've learned this summer, it's not to get mixed up in needless romantic drama. (Whispering:) Besides, we're finally in with Wendy's friends. With Robbie gone, there's a good social balance. Maybe we should let the good thing be, you know.
Robbie (To a nearby vulture:) Just eat me already, man. (Vulture squawks and attacks) Ah! I was just being dramatic! Quit it! Ow! Ow! My face! Vulture!
Cut to the Mystery Shack, where Wendy and the twins are.
Wendy Oh, man. I'm sorry you guys had to see that.
Mabel You know what Robbie needs? A new girl! Romance is like gum. Once it's lost its flavor, you just cram another one in. (Chews wad of gum)
Wendy Mabel, it's not that easy.
Mabel It is if you're the world's greatest matchmaker! I've never had an unhappy customer; like Soos and Melody.
Cut to Soos, who is standing behind a cardboard box, video chatting with Melody.
Soos Ramirez Watch this. (As he gradually bends down behind the cardboard box:) Walking down some actual stairs. (Melody giggles; from behind the box:) Did it look cool?
Melody (Giggles) The coolest.
Cut back to Mabel, Wendy and Dipper.
Mabel Match made! And then, of course, there's Waddles and Gompers.
Pan to Gompers, who is wearing a wedding veil made of saran wrap. Tin cans are tied to him with string and Waddles duck taped to his side. Wedding music plays, Gompers bleats, and then eats the saran wrap-veil.
Mabel Match made!
Wendy That might work for a goat and a pig, but Robbie's a hopeless case.
Mabel Hopeless case, ehhh?
Cut to right outside of the Mystery Shack, where Stan is standing on a ladder, sewing a rainbow afro onto a stuffed gorilla.
Stan Pines (As he sews, in a sing-song voice:) Putting a rainbow wig on a big white gorilla.
Dramatic music begins to play and the wind blows the wig off of the gorilla. Stan gets off of the ladder to retrieve it.
Stan What the...? (A large shadow overcasts him) Oh no. (Cut to hot air balloons) Hot air balloons. (Back to Stan; as a biker rides by him:) Fixed gear bikes.
A van pulls up. A Woodstick attendee is sitting on top of it, playing his guitar and singing a song.
Woodstick attendee (Singing:) Singing by the open road. My sandals are so open toed.
Stan Folk music! It's the Woodstick Festival! Soos! (Rummaging through a suit case full of various medeival weapons as Soos comes out) Lock down the shack and hide my shirts before anyone tie-dyes them! (Pulls out a crossbow and aims them at the hot air balloons) They're slow. I could probably take a few down.
Soos Wait, Mr. Pines! (Moving Stan's crossbow out of the way as the arrow flies off. A bird caws off-screen) I've been thinking. Every year this festival comes by and every year you shun what could be potential customers.
Stan You really think I could make money off of these free-loading, kale-munching freak shows?
Soos You just gotta figure out what appeals to them.
Stan Hmm. How do I appeal to young people? So young people are into hot air balloons, ehh?
Cut to Mabel at the front door of the Valentino household.
Mabel Alright, Mabel. Robbie's a broken teacup and you're going to piece him back together. (Rings doorbell) Okay, this could get intense. (The door opens and she gasps)
Mr. and Mrs. Northwest Howdy do!
Mrs. Valentino Happy day!
Mabel It is intense. You're Robbie's parents? I always thought he was, like, raised by sad wolves or something.
Mr. Valentino Oh, well, he doesn't like to talk about us. He always says we're too cheerful for funeral directors. (Both laugh) Come in. Come in.
Cut to the inside of the house. There is a glass coffin with a corpse in it. On top of it is a tray of crackers and grapes. Mr. Valentino grabs the tray and approaches Mabel, who is sitting on the couch.
Mr. Valentino Cracker platter?
Mabel Oh, no time for crackers, sorry. I'm here to cheer Robbie up. Cannot have a dry cracker mouth for that.
Mrs. Valentino (Walking to the bottom of the staircase with a plate of spaghetti in her hands; calling up to Robbie:) Robbie Stacey Valentino! There's a little girl here to see you. (To Mabel:) You go on up. (Hands Mabel spaghetti plate) And could you bring him his lunch?
Mabel (Seeing that the sauce and meatballs on the spaghetti are shaped into a smile) Lady, I like your style. (Giggles and heads upstairs)
Mrs. Valentino You know who would look good in a sweater like that? Mrs. Grabelson's remains!
Mr. Valentino Oh, absolutely!
Cut to the upstairs floor, where Mabel is walking by pictures of Robbie from over the years. She stops at his bedroom door.
Mabel (Knocks on door) Robbie! It's Mabel!
Robbie (From inside his room:) Who?
Mabel Remember me? I'm like girl-Dipper!
Robbie (From inside his room:) Ugh, go away!
Mabel I heard a come in! (Opens the door, turning on the lights as she enters the room)
Robbie (Recoiling at the bright lights) Agh, hey! Listen, kid. Nobody in the Pines family is welcome here. In case you forgot, your stupid brother is the one who ruined my life!
Mabel (Setting down Robbie's lunch and pulling up a chair to sit) And Mabel's the one who's gonna fix it. Listen, Robbie, I always used to see you as a creepy jerk, like the human version of rat poison.
Robbie Uh, go on. (Taking a seat on his bed, across from Mabel)
Mabel But when I saw you in the cemetery today, I realized, Robbie's not a bad guy. He's just a heartbroken soul who needs love and gloves with fingers.
Robbie Hey, fingerless gloves look awesome!
Mabel (Wagging a finger and chuckling) No they don't. Robbie, you just need a good matchmaker. I guarantee I'll find you true love or twice your sadness back.
Robbie (Sighs) If I say yes, will you leave my room?
Mabel (Zips Robbie's hoodie) I guarantee it.
Cut to Mabel in her room, sitting in front of a miniature diorama of the town and its residents.
Mabel (Cracks knuckles) Okay, Gravity Falls, who wants to go out with Robbie? (Sorting through the wooden figures of the residents) Okay. Lazy Susan? Too old. Grenda, too young. Multi-Bear? I'm putting you in the maybe pile. Who could it be? Who could it be? (Bleating and squealing from Gompers and Waddles) What's that Wompers? Someone we already know? But who could possibly be superficial and gothy enough for–? (Waddles squeals) Of course, that's it! You two really are America's favorite power couple.
Cut to Thompson residence/Gallery, inside the garage where Wendy and her friends and Dipper are.
Lee & Nate (Chanting as they duck tape snacks onto Thompson:) More snacks! More snacks!
Thompson I'm just happy to be included— (Nate puts tape over Thompson's mouth and Thompson's speech is muffled)
Wendy Ha! This is brilliant. The perfect way to sneak cheap snacks into the concert, and it was all Dipper's idea.
Lee and Nate Woo! Nice.
Wendy Well done.
Nate Ideas!
Lee (Bending down and placing a hand on Dipper's shoulder) Kid, I sense greatness in you.
Dipper (Chuckles) Oh, well, I don't know about—
Lee (Lifting Dipper up onto his shoulders) —Greatness!
Wendy Alright, now everyone go home and finish getting ready for the concert.
Nate Hey, don't wait up, Tambers.
Tambry Don't call me Tambers.
Nate (Laughs) Classic Tambers.
Tambry (Reading a text:) "Tambry, You. Me. Date. Bring that sweet, sweet bod. Your secret admirer."
Cut to Greasy's Diner, where Mabel is watching Robbie, who is quietly sitting in a booth.
Mabel (As Lazy Susan walks by her) Love is about to happen, Lazy Susan. Watch and learn.
A bell rings as the door to the diner is opened. Tambry walks in and approaches the booth Robbie is sitting in.
Tambry Ugh, Robbie? You're my secret admirer?
Robbie Tambry? Ugh, this is just what I get for trusting a toddler. Listen, I don't think this is gonna work out. Dating somebody I already know? It's kinda like admitting defeat.
Tambry Um, way to assume I'm even interested.
Robbie Tambry, let's be real. If I wanted to date you I would have done it already. I'm just a little out of your league. (Noticing a mustard stain on the elbow of his sweatshirt) Whoa, is that mustard? Don't want to waste that bad boy. (Licks mustard stain)
Tambry (Pulling out her cell phone and typing) Status update: On blind date with sociopath.
Robbie Oh, sure, bring out the phone. Classic Tambers. (To a waiter:) Hey can I get some chili fries? To go.
Mabel What? How is this possible? I'm supposed to be the best matchmaker ever.
Chattering among the patrons. "Let's go." "It's him." The door to the diner bursts open and Love God storms in.
Love God Woo-hoo! Who's ready to fall in love tonight?
Patrons Love God! (Cheering)
Love God (Starts up the jukebox) That's what they call me. We're rewriting history tonight, and it starts with (as he points at a male patron and a female employee:) you and you! (The man and woman look at each other and start kissing) Love is real and it's in your face! (Chuckles; to an elderly, female patron:) What's your name, you little angel?
Meredith (Chuckles) Meredith.
Love God (In a hurried whisper:) Meredith, Meredith. We got a problem. (Cut to a man sitting across from them) That cutie right there is your soul mate and you're living without him.
Meredith Oh, no. What do I do?
Love God Get it, girl. You know what you love. (Points at the man as Meredith runs off) Pow! Match made!
Meredith runs towards the man, picks him up and laughs. Cut to Mabel, who is hiding behind a booth.
Mabel I must know how this works.
Cut to Mabel approaching Love God, who is stuffing a large sandwich into his mouth.
Mabel Hi. Love God? Mabel here. Big fan. Can I just say, that was some of the finest matchmaking I've ever seen? Can you please, please tell me your secret?
Love God (Licks his fingers) Well, between you and me, let's just say my name's not exactly a coincidence. (His wings flutter)
Mabel Oh. My. Love God. Are you an actual love god?
Love God Call me a cherub. The internet pretty much does my job for me nowadays so I'm taking time to focus on my rock career. (Handing her a cassette) Boom. Cassette. Boom. For you.
Mabel Oh! That's... great. (Subtly drops the cassette) So, anyway. Can you make anything fall in love? Like that snake and that badger?
Outside, through the window, a badger and snake are seen fighting, hissing and growling at each other.
Love God Hmm, ah gee, I dunno. That might be kinda hard to—(Points at the animals) Kaboom! Match made!
The animals smile, the snake wraps itself around the badger and the badger walks away.
Mabel They're gonna make a snadger. How are you doing that?
Love God Love potion, yo. I got it all. Summer love. Young love. Anti-love. You just gotta put a little on your fingers and pow!
Mabel I need that potion. How much would it cost? (Grabbing a squirrel) And will you accept squirrels as payment?
Love God Whoa, no way. You might think you know what's best for people but this stuff can have major social consequences. That's why it can only be used by a serious expert.
Woman Love God! Sign my face!
Love God (To woman:) Only if you sign mine, baby. Let's get weird! (They start kissing)
Mabel carefully takes a love potion off of Love God's belt as he is facing away from her and replaces the empty slot with a squirrel. She puts a finger over her mouth and shushes the squirrel as she leaves. Cut to the kitchen of the Greasy Diner, where a chef is finishing Robbie's order of fries. Mabel approaches, the love potion in her hand.
Mabel Mind if I add a little something to these fries?
Chef (Shrugging) I don't see why not.
Mabel pours the contents of the potion onto the fries. Cut to Robbie and Tambry, who receive the fries.
Robbie (Taking a bite of a fry) Whoa. Did your whole thing suddenly get a lot more likable?
Tambry (Taking a bite of a fry) You don't seem as needy as I used to think you were.
Robbie Hey, you wouldn't wanna maybe get outta here and, I don't know, go kiss in public a lot?
Tambry (Taking his hand) For some reason, I do. (Pulls out phone and begins to type as Robbie plays with her hair) Status update—you know what? Forget it. (Puts phone down and grabs her purse) Maybe I should stare at something other than my phone for a while.
Mabel Match made!
Cut to Thompson's Garage, where Wendy, Dipper, Nate, Thompson and Lee are.
Wendy All right. Who's ready for the best and most overpriced day of our summer?! (All cheer)
Thompson (Holding up trail mix and safety whistles) I brought a baggie of trail mix and safety whistles, in case we get separated.
Dipper (Pretending to clear throat:) Lame.
Lee This kid is a champion.
Nate We're just waiting on Tambry. Can't leave without Tambry.
Mabel (Walks in, holding her happiness chart) Sorry, guys, but Tambry's a little busy at the moment. Wink. Wink.
Nate (Nervously:) What does that mean? Why are you winking?
Mabel Let's just say she and Robbie took a trip to Smoochville. Now everyone's happy.
Nate Wait, wait. Robbie and Tambry? This can't be happening.
Mabel How's that?
Nate He knew I liked her! How could he do this?
Lee Whoa, hold it. You like Tambry and you told Robbie but not me?
Nate You always make fun of my crushes, man.
Lee (Wacking Nate's head) That's what we do, genius.
Wendy Oh, oh! This is so like Tambry to do this. Date my ex behind my back. (Pulling her hair) I'm gonna tear her highlights out.
Dipper Guys, guys. Calm down. We're gonna be late for the concert.
Nate Uh, news flash, kid. I'm not going to the concert. (Pointing to Lee) Not with him.
Lee Hey, that won't be a problem 'cus I'm out.
Wendy Me, too!
Thompson (Frantically, as everyone but the twins leaves:) Wait! Wait! This group is all I have! Don't make me go back to having no friends! Guys!
Mabel Match made? (All the stickers on her happiness chart fall off)
Thompson Wait, guys. Don't go! Not my mailbox!
Nate (Punches Thompson's mailbox and recoils) Ugh. Ow!
Thompson (Growls; to the twins:) What did you just do? I've let these guys pick on me for years to keep this group together. And now they've totally fallen apart.
Dipper But we were all starting to finally hang out together. I was one of the gang.
Thompson Well, unless you can break up Robbie and Tambry immediately, there is no gang. I have no more friends and neither do you. (Peeling off duck tape sticking a chip to his shirt) I'm gonna to eat this. (Leaves)
Dipper Mabel, what did I tell you about staying out of Robbie's personal life?
Mabel I know, I know. I just wanted to be a good matchmaker. I never should have gotten that love potion from the Love God.
Dipper Wait, love potion? If you did a spell, then can't you, like, undo it?
Mabel (Gasps) That's it! If I undo the spell then everyone will be friends again! But I'm gonna need your help. Also, you are not pulling off that v-neck.
Dipper (Dejectedly:) I know.
Mabel Burn it!
Cut to Woodstick Festival.
Man in hot air balloon Whoa! Ha ha!
Pan through various festival activities and then to Stan and Soos, who is sewing.
Stan Balloon faster, Soos. We need this thing up in the air before the festival ends.
Soos Are you sure that that open flame should be that close to that dangling cloth and rope?
Stan I'm sure about everything. Now lube up those engine gears with some kerosene! More kerosene!
Cut to the Woodstick Festival entrance. Mabel and Dipper peek out from behind two trash cans trash bins. Thompson walks by, pulling Wendy, Nate and Lee towards the entrance.
Thompson Uh! Come back, guys! Come on. The tickets were a hundred bucks. I sold my watch. You gotta come to the concert.
Wendy Ew, and have to look at that? No, thanks.
Robbie and Tambry are seen walking together, arms linked.
Dipper (To Mabel:) Ugh, they're doing that couple hug walk. (To Tambry and Robbie:) Guys you're in public! People can see you!
Mabel (Whispering:) Dipper, come on. (They sneak past the guards and hide near Love God's van.)
Man Love God. Sound check for Love God.
Love God (The van's trunk opens and Love God falls out) Ow. Let's make some miracles happen. Groupies, bed-head me. (Chuckles) Love God's about to get crazy. (Walks away with his groupies) Whoa, hey, alright.
Mabel Now's our chance.
The twins run to the open trunk of the van, where Love God left his belt of love potions.
Mabel (Mabel grabs the belt and looks at the love potions, which are all labeled) Here we go. (Reading the labels:) Let's see. "Puppy-love." "Interspecies love." "Love of country music." Ew. Oh! "Anti-love!" "To reverse the effects of love potion simply spray on your victim and watch their heart die on the inside."
Dipper Sounds good to me. (They turn to leave but Love God is standing in front of them)
Love God Hey! You're the one who's been stealing my stuff. I am not loving this.
Mabel I'm sorry, but I made a mistake and I have to fix it.
Love God Kid, I tried to tell you. This stuff is way too dangerous. On my oath as a god I cannot let you—oh hey, where'd you just go?
Mabel (Running away with Dipper) I'm sorry Love God! But it's for the good of my friends.
Love God (Chasing after them) Come back here!
Mabel (Seeing Love God about to get to her, she throws the anti-love potion) Dipper catch!
Dipper catches the potion and runs on stage, where The Handlebar Brothers are performing, followed by Mabel and Love God.
Love God (To The Handlebar Brothers:) Get those kids!
The Handlebar Bros (Standing in front of Dipper and Mabel) Halt! We mustache you to move. (The twins karate chop their mustaches, causing the brothers to butt heads and fall to the ground)
Dipper (To Mabel:) Good one. (They dive into the audience and start crowd surfing)
Mabel (To a crowd member) Ooh! Thank you.
Dipper Agh! No, no, no. Everyone is touching everything!
Love God (Doing breaststrokes as he crowd surfs) Give me back that potion. (To a crowd member, high fiving them:) Oh, hey, what's up? (To another crowd member, handing them a cassette:) Here, have a cassette. (The crowd surf ends and he lands on the ground as the twins run away) Dang it. (Flutters wings) Fly, tiny wings! Get up there! (Starts flying) Oh. I haven't had to use these in a long time.
Love God continues to chase the twins. They past through a Booth with Sprott drinking cider. When Sprott sees them, he pours half of his cider to the ground.
Mabel Dipper, look. (Sees Robbie and Tambry. Grabs cap of spray bottle and puts it on top of potion bottle) Just one clean shot to the back of their heads and everything's fixed.
Love God Sorry, kids, but you've left me no choice. Visions of heartbreak past! (Summons a pink smoke which reveals illusions of Mabel's past crushes)
Gabe We're back Mabel.
Sev'ral Timez (Singing:) We like you now.
Boy from "Tourist Trapped" Yes. Definitely. Absolutely!
Dipper (Punches illusion of boy) Ugh. Ha! You really think we'd fall for that? (Looks at Mabel, who is surrounded by the remaining illusions)
Mabel (Giggles) Sure you can all marry me. Oh, guy from the $10 bill, I forgot I had a crush on you.
Dipper Dang it, Mabel. They're not real.
Mermando Just give us the bottle, Mabel.
Dipper Mabel don't!
Cut to Stan and Soos. Soos is still fixing up the balloon and Stan is staring at the blueprints.
Stan It's finally done. When these idiots see this balloon, they'll understand that I love young people. (Shot of blueprints showing a hot air balloon that looks like Stan and has "I HEART KIDS" written on it) "I heart kids." All right. Let 'er rip.
Soos (Soos lets the balloon go and takes a step back) Oh no! A letter rip! (Dives out of the way)
Stan What the H?! (Gets crushed by the letter "H" from the balloon and the letter "R" hits the ground immediately after)
Cut to the crowd. The Stan balloon looms overhead, now reading "I EAT KIDS." People begin shouting and screaming.
Teen 1 I eat kids? But we're kids!
Teen 2 It's heaven's punishment for our terrible taste in everything!
The balloon begins to malfunction, sets fire and plummets towards a young boy and his mother who are sitting on a picnic blanket.
Charlie Mommy, is the floating head going to eat us?
Charlie's mother (Holding him close and silently crying) Yes, Charlie. Yes he will.
Cut back to Mabel, who is surrounded by visions of heartbreak past.
Dipper (As Mabel hands the potion to "Mermando") Mabel it's a trick. Don't give him the—
Love God (Taking the bottle from "Mermando") Gotcha! (The illusions disappear)
Mabel Ugh! Curse my over-sized heart.
Love God Sorry, kids, but that's what happens when you mess with a god. Only a greater being from the heavens themselves could possibly stop—(Crowd screaming as the Stan balloon approaches)
Man It's coming down!
Love God Whoa!
The balloon lands on Love God, causing him to drop the potion. A crowd gathers around the balloon as a man hoses it off. Mr. and Mrs. Valentino are watching from a distance.
Mr. Valentino Oh, no. I hope someone didn't die.
Mrs. Valentino Yes, that would be awful. (Both laugh)
Cut to Soos and Stan
Stan What's everybody crying about? In my day zeppelins fell from the sky like raindrops.
Teen 2 It's him! The horrible old man from the sky! (People shrieking)
Stan You know what? Being loved by the youth is overrated. Being feared, now that's priceless. (They walk away from the balloon wreckage, where Dipper and Mabel are standing)
Dipper Love God? Are you okay?
Mabel (Fingers crossed; whispering:) Please be immortal. Please be immortal.
Love God (Gasps as he crawls out from under the wreckage) Dude. I am so over this.
Announcer (Offscreen; over a mic:) Love God to the stage. Love God to the stage.
Love God Agh, look kid. Take it, okay. Spray everyone for all I care. You wanna mess with peoples' lives? You wanna play god? Do it. 'Cus I'm sick of it. (Walking away) Medic! I need onion rings...
Cut to Mabel and Dipper hiding behind a bush that Robbie and Tambry are sitting in front of.
Dipper Okay, Mabel. Now's our chance. They break up and the whole friend group gets back together.
As Mabel is pointing the potion towards Robbie and Tambry reluctantly, Robbie turns around and sees Mabel. Dipper hides as Mabel hides the potion behind her.
Robbie Mabel! Mabel, I just wanted to thank you. I've been so miserable since Wendy broke up with me that I thought my life was over, but you were right. I just needed to move on. I'm... happy ? Weird, huh?
Tambry (Offscreen:) Robbie, people are commenting on our picture. (Robbie winks at Mabel and walks away)
Mabel Dipper, maybe we shouldn't do this. I mean, every time we play with peoples' fates it's only made things worse. (They look at Robbie and Tambry, who are painting each others eyes with eye paint)
Dipper They are kinda perfect for each other in a gross kinda way. But what about our friend group?
Mabel Well, maybe it'll sort itself out. I mean, there's gotta be something that could bring everyone back together.
Cut to Thompson, who is wearing a jacket and hat to cover the snacks he is hiding and is holding a cake.
Thompson Guys, I made a friendship cake. So let's all get over this, okay? (Gets hit in the head with a beach ball, dropping the cake) Ugh! My cake! (Bends down to pick it up the cake but his coat rips revealing the hidden snacks)
Security Guard 1 Hey! Food from the outside! (They chase after Thompson, who screams and runs)
Security Guard 2 Get him!
Cut to the rest of the gang.
Lee Whoa! Hey, look!
Wendy Is that Thompson?
Briefly cut to Thompson, who is hugging onto a utility pole. Security guard 2 blows a whistle as Security guard 1 beats Thompson with a broom. Thompson grunts as he is struck. Whistle blowing and Thompson grunting. Back to the group. All laughing.
Nate Yeah, fight the machine Thompson!
Wendy Throw snacks at 'em!
Robbie Use jerky as a weapon!
Nate Thompson!
All but Dipper & Mabel (Chanting continuously) Thompson!
A broom is swung at him and he cries out as he falls off, grabbing a rope and dangling down as the two security guards beat him like a piñata with a broom and a large stick. The gang continues to cheer him on (with the exception of Dipper, Mabel and Robbie). Cut to Nate and Lee. Lee stops chanting and then Nate does. Lee playfully punches Nate's shoulder and Nate does the same. Cut to Tambry and Wendy, with Lee and Nate now cheering again. Tambry stops cheering and smiles apologetically at Wendy. Wendy stops and does the same. Robbie smiles at Wendy and she smiles back apologetically.
Mabel (To Dipper:) I think every just might be all right.
Dipper Maybe someone up there really is a genius matchmaker.
Cut to Thompson who is on the top of the utility pole, smiling at his friends.
Thompson All according to plan. (He's hit again and his friends continue to cheer as the guards beat him senselessly)
Cut to credits. "Goat and a Pig" plays as various pictures of Gompers and Waddles wedding and life as a couple are shown.
(Singing) A goat and a pig. A couple of livestock living their lives stuck together in harmony. A pig and a goat, showing the world that a pig and a goat can be family. Love's so strong, love's so big. Such a beautiful goat and a pig. Bound in matrimony now and forever. Shopping for groceries and buying a condo and filing their taxes together. Goat and a pig, goat and a pig.

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