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Episode opens where "Weirdmageddon 2: Escape From Reality" left off.
Dipper, Mabel Pines, Soos Ramirez and Wendy Corduroy (Run into the Mystery Shack) Yaaahh!!
Celestabellebethabelle, Chutzpar, Bats Biker, Woodpecker guy, Candy, Stan Pines, Grenda, Sheriff Blubs, Pacifica Northwest, Old Man McGucket and some Gnomes Yaaaahhhh!!
Dipper Wait.
Dipper and Mabel Grunkle Stan! (Run to him)
Stan Kids! I can't believe it! I thought I lost you two!
Soos (Hugs Stan) Mr. Pines! It's really you! I've been hugging strangers to practice for this moment.
Wendy (Slams into Stan for a hug) We missed you, you old codger.
Stan (Chuckles) I've missed you knuckleheads, too. It's good to have you back.
Dipper So...what's everyone doing here? (Gasps as some Lilliputtians run past him)
Mabel Yeah there's like monsters and gnomes, and is Pacifica wearing a potato sack?
Pacifica Hey! Even in a sack I still look better than you.
Multi-Bear It's...it's a long story.
Wax Larry King (In the vents) Hey, is anyone gonna feed me? Larry King's disembodied wax head wants num-nums.
Grenda We're trying to ration our food, remember? (As Wax Larry King chews on her hair) Uhhh...it's happening again.
Multi-bear (Closes the vents)
Pituitaur (Looking out the door) Hey, everyone! Eye-bat!
Everyone gasps.
Gnome Evasive maneuvers!
Stan (Slams the door and grabs Dipper and Mabel) Shhh, keep it down.
The refugees scatter.
Gnome Get the lights!
Outside, an eye-bat turns a scampering raccoon into stone and flies off with it. Cut to theme song.
Stan (Lights a match and throws it into a can, illuminating the shack, revealing the people sitting around the room) Welcome to what's left of normal around here. Home base.
The screen pans across the various people hiding in the Mystery Shack.
Toby Determined (As a gnome pulls a dart out of him) Ow!
Greggy C. We have...
Sev'ral Timez (Singing:) Several injuries! (Clutch their injuries) Oh, ow...
Chubby Z. Ow, my liver girl!
Dipper Ah! Rumble McSkirmish?
Rumble Do not be afraid. Weirdmageddon has taught me, there are some battles I cannot win. I am now Humble McSkirmish. (A digital "-50 despair" pops up next to Rumble)
Mabel Grunkle Stan, how'd this all happen?
Stan So I was hammering signs out back when the sky started vomiting nightmares. I listen to a lot of AM radio so I knew what this meant: the end of the world. (Flashback of Stan running inside as the weirdness wave descends) What I didn't expect was what happened next. (The totem pole comes to life and attempts to attack the house, but hits a dome around it) Turns out whatever you and my brother did to the shack with your unicorn voodoo made the crazy place invincible to weirdness. (The totem pole falls over; cut back to the present.)
Dipper Of course, the unicorn spell. That's why this is the only place Bill's magic can't touch.
Stan (Gesturing to Old Man McGucket) That's when Possum Breath over here shows up leading a bunch of injured stragglers through the forest. They needed a place to stay and since the mayor got captured, I elected myself de facto chief. The plan's to stay in here and eat Brown Meat until we run out, then I vote we eat the gnomes.
Jeff Hey! I'm short, not deaf!
Stan Shh! Shh! Stress will make you chewy.
Dipper Grunkle Stan, we can't all just hide inside the Shack. There's a town in need of saving. Me and Ford tried to do it, but he got captured by Bill.
Stan (Opens can of The Brown Meat) Serves that jerk right. My brother's had some stupid plans, but going up against an all-powerful space demon was his worst one yet. Trust me, we have everything we need right here. (Sits down on a wooden lounge chair surrounded by the Multi-Bear and gnomes) It's not the Ritz but at least the monsters inside know how to massage. (To the Multi-Bear:) You know Shiatzu?
Multi-Bear Yes, I've taken some classes.
Dipper So you're really just gonna let Bill win?
Stan Look, kiddo. We got a good deal here. Besides, I'm sure wherever the rest of the townsfolk are, they're fine. (Slams his hand down, accidentally hitting the remote and turning on the TV)
Shandra Jimenez (On the TV:) This is Shandra Jimenez reporting live from the inside of Bill's castle. Here for the first time are images of what's happened to the captured townsfolk. Viewers are advised to look away if they don't want to see their friends turned into a twisted throne of human agony.
Pacifica Mom and dad?
Wendy My family!
Sheriff Blubs Deputy Durland!
Shandra Is there no one who will save the people of this town? I'm Shandra Jimenez and I'm being turned into stone by a flying eyeball. (The TV turns to static)
Everyone gasps.
Pacifica Oh, no. My parents are bad but even they don't deserve to be turned to stone.
Sheriff Blubs (Drops down on his knees) Curse you, Bill! Why must you take everything we love? (Rips his shirt open and cries)
Mabel (Climbing on top of the Multi-Bear) Guys, don't you see? Our friends need us, but we can only save them if we fight back. (Pulls Dipper up after her)
Dipper Mabel is right. Bill wants us to run and hide. He wants us to think he's invincible. But Ford told me before he was captured that he knows Bill's secret weakness.
The refugees perk up and start muttering.
Wendy Weakness?
Dipper Now, if we band together, if we combine all of our strength, our smarts, our...whatever Toby has...
Toby Various rashes!
Dipper ...then we just might be able to rescue Ford, learn Bill's weakness, and save Gravity Falls!
Everyone cheers.
Stan Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Have you all forgotten who's in charge here? Besides, we're only safe inside! It's not like we can take the Mystery Shack to Bill.
McGucket Wha--Whoa! Holy hootenany! Flapjack and fiddlebanjos. Sorry. Sorry. Got a little excited. (Thumps his foot and slaps his knee) What I meant to say is I think I figured out a way to fight Bill and rescue Ford. But we're all gonna have to work together. (Snaps his fingers and a gnome puts glasses on him) Now. You just...
Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Wendy and McGucket (Talk unintelligibly)
Soos Don't worry, Ford! We're coming for you!
Cut to Bill unfreezing Ford at the Fearamid.
Ford Let me go you insane three-sided--! Wha--What is this place? (Pulls at a chain on his leg)
Bill (Rises out of the floor, playing a piano and singing:) We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when. Oh, I know we'll meet again some sunny day.
Ford Wh-where am I?
Bill You're in the penthouse suite, kid! The tip of the pyramid. Have a drink. (Snaps his fingers and a martini glass appears in Ford's hand) Make yourself comfortable. (Takes a sip of his drink as Ford sits down) You know that couch is made from living human skin?
The couch groans as eyes, a nose, and a mouth appear. Ford jumps up.
Ford Aaah! Quit the games, Cipher! If I'm still alive you must want something from me.
Bill Ah, sharp as ever, Fordsy. As you may have noticed...I've recently had a (Voice echosing:) multi-dimensional makeover. (Stops echoing and rearranges the room's furniture) I control space, matter, and now that that dumb baby's out of the way, time itself! But I wasn't always this way. (Everything falls to the floor)
Ford Ooph!
Bill You think those chains are tight? (Eye shows a planet on a two-dimensional plane, which burns) Imagine living in the second dimension, flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams. I liberated my dimension, Stanford, and I'm here to liberate yours. There's just one hitch. (Eye projects a hologram of him pushing against the dome around Gravity Falls) As it turns out, my weirdness can't escape the magical confines of this town. There's something keeping me in.
Ford Incredible! Gravity Falls natural law of weirdness magnetism. I studied this years ago.
Bill And did you find a way to undo it?
Ford Of course. There's a simple equation that could collapse the barrier. But I'd never tell you!
Bill Listen, Ford, if you just tell me that equation, finally your dimension will be free. (Projects himself drawing a smiley face in the midwest United States, then takes a bite out of the Earth and flies past his friends, who are destroying other planets, then to Ford, who is standing in the middle of a galaxy) Anything will be possible. I'll remake a fun world-- a better world! A party that never ends with a host that never dies! No more restrictions! No more laws! You'd be one of us. All-powerful. Greater than anything you've imagined! And all I need is your help.
Ford You're insane if you think I'll help you.
Bill Ha ha ha! I'm insane either way, brainiac. But have it your way. I'll just fish around and get that equation directly out of your mind! (Enters the mental realm)
Ford Not so fast! You know the rules, Bill. You may be able to haunt my dreams but you can't enter my mind unless I shake your hand and let you in.
Bill (Enters the physical realm and sighs, then chains Ford's legs and neck) You're making this so much harder than it needs to be. Everyone has a weakness, tough guy! I'll make you talk! It's only a matter of time.
Ford (Screams)
Cut to the Mystery Shack.
McGucket (Lays out some blueprints) Alright. I've made some thingamadiculous robomajigs in my day, but this is the first one that won't be used for evil.
Dipper Whoa! These blueprints are incredible, McGucket.
Mabel This is your most amazing invention yet.
Soos Question, does it have any gun-swords? I watch a lot of anime and, uh, trust me, you're gonna want some gun-swords.
McGucket What's an "anime"?
Soos We have much to discuss.
Stan Discuss nothing! These scribbles are a bunch of cockamamie balderdash! Excuse my French.
French lilliputtian Je ne sais quoi sacrebleu au revoir! (Subtitled:) I don't believe that was French.
Stan And where would you even find a bunch of idiots who would be crazy enough to build it?
Mabel Grunkle Stan, you're looking at those idiots.
Everyone cheers.
Soos Idiots!
Cut to montage of the refugees building the robot: McGucket points out the parts needed, then people raid the junkyard; cut to people taking stuff from inside the shack.
Stan Whoa-what! What are you--? H-hey now! Hey hey! Don't touch that! Hey! Aah!
Cut to people digging a dinosaur out from the Abandoned mines; Soos showing McGucket anime while the latter takes notes; cuts all the parts being put together and to a "Take Back the Falls" flag. Cut to everyone outside the Shack wearing Mabel's sweaters.
Soos Thanks for these apocalypse sweaters, Mabel. The end of the world has never been so comfortable.
Some of the refugees nod and hum in agreement.
Pacifica (Shivers; Mabel glares at her) Uh! Fine, I'll wear it. (Puts on the llama sweater) But I'm not gonna like it.
Mabel Admit it. This is the best day of the end of the world. I think we actually have a chance to beat Bill and win back our future.
Dipper Yeah. Getting to actually live to see our 13th birthday party is the only birthday present I want right now.
Soos Hey, if we're lucky enough to get there, I guarantee this whole town is gonna throw you the best birthday party you've ever seen.
Dipper Thanks, Soos. Hey, has anyone seen Grunkle Stan?
Stan This whole plan is bonkers. But of course no one asked the chief what he thinks. After all I've done for everyone!
Shmebulock Shmebulock!
Stan Yeah, exactly, it's a total load of Shmebulock.
Mabel Is something wrong, Grunkle Stan? You're acting grunklier than usual.
Stan It's this darn plan to save my brother. If you didn't notice, I already saved him once from that portal, and he never thanked me! He causes the end of the world, and still somehow it's always "Stan's the screw-up. Ford's the hero."
Dipper Well maybe people think he's a hero because he didn't want to hide in the Mystery Shack!
Stan Well maybe if he hid in the Mystery Shack, he wouldn't have been captured!
Mabel Guys! Guys! Trust me, tomorrow's gonna be great! I believe in us.
Chuztpar Help! Leader Mabel! I keep accidentally flexing through my sweater. (Does so) Augh! It happened again!
Mabel Those weird cow-monsters are delightful! Coming!
Cut to the next morning. Gompers walks across a barren wasteland and bleats.
McGucket Alright, fellas. Let's hope this turns out better than my other inventions.
Mabel Everybody ready? Dipper, now!
Dipper pulls a lever, causing wheels to turn. Machinery begins running and the invention starts moving. As the invention stands up, the refugees are tossed side-to-side inside the Shack.
Cut to Bud Gleeful burning some Gideon dolls.
Bud Gleeful Forgive me, boy. Your hyperflamable merchandise is the only thing keepin' me going. (As the robot walks past) What in blazes?
The robot approaches the Fearamid.
Ford No! No! Noooo!!
Bill (Zaps him)
Ford Aaaagh!
Bill Ready to talk now?
Ford (Gasping) I won't. I won't let you into my mind.
Bill What do you think, pals? Another 500 volts? Hey, do you hear that?
The robot's t-rex head crashes through the Fearamid and roars.
Bill What?! I just fixed that door!
The Mystery Shack robot comes into full view.
Soos It's the Shacktron, dude! (Holds the Take Back the Falls flag, topped with Wax Larry King's head)
Wax Larry King They made the house into a robot. Fascinating!
Bill So the mortals are trying to fight back, huh? Adorable! Henchmaniacs, you know what to do! Take them out!
Bill's minions grow in size and jump out of the Fearamid to stand in front of the Mystery Shack.
Stan This was a bad idea.
Soos (Through a microphone:) Uh, hey, dudes. Is this thing on? Test (Feedback screeches) Heh. I just wanted you monster dudes to hand over Ford or we'll have to, like, fight and junk. Heh. Hey, you're a little cutie.
Paci-Fire I have butchered millions on countless moons.
Soos Whoa. I liked you better before you talked. Real... real bring down, this guy.
Pyronica Attack!
The demons run at the Shacktron.
Soos All right, dudes! (Runs into the Shack)
Dipper Everyone! Like we planned! Three, two, one. Go!
Candy and Grenda (Operate arms, punching away Paci-Fire and Kryptos)
Mabel (Uses Waddles' mouth to pull a lever, which causes the Shacktron to shoot several demons away) Ha ha ha. Good pig.
Waddles (Squeals)
Eye Bats (Attack the Shacktron)
McGucket Get em, Gobblewonker! (Operates a Gobblewonker head on top of the Shacktron, grabbing an eye bat in its mouth)
Rumble (Kills two eye bats with fireballs) Hya! Hya!
Wendy Oh, no, you don't! (Jumps onto an eye bat and pulls its wings, turning 8 Ball's head to stone. Wendy jumps off the eye bat back into the shack)
Multi-Bear Everyone! Incoming!
Stan (Pulling at a door labeled "EXIT") Does this thing have an escape hatch?
Xanthar rams the Shack and pushes it back. Everyone inside screams.
Mabel Everybody! Maximum power!
Sev'ral Times (Runs on a treadmill)
Dipper And...now! (Turns a wheel and the Shacktron grabs Xanthar and throws it)
Teeth (Runs away on fire, screaming)
Bill Guys, seriously? You had, like, one job to do here.
Ford Bravo Dipper and Mabel!
Bill Well, would you look at that. Those kids really care about you. And you care about them. (Eye turns red; deep voice:) Don't you?
Ford What are you....Oh. Oh no.
Bill Perhaps torturing those kids'll make you talk.
Ford No. No! Not the kids! You ca-
Bill (Turns Ford to gold) Let's get this over with. (Crawls outside, grows a giant fist and slams it down on the Shacktron; he raises his fist only to find the Shack perfectly fine) What the? No! No! No! No! No! (Grows ten arms and pounds at the Shack)
Stan Ah!
Mabel ATTACK!
Grenda (Punches, causing the T-rex head to lunge at Bill. It bites Bill's eye and pulls back, ripping his eye out.)
Bill Aah! My eye! Do you have any idea how long it takes to regenerate that?
Dipper We've got him distracted. Now's our chance.
Mabel Rescue team, move out!
Mabel puts her grappling hook in her sweater. Soos puts the memory erasing gun in his backpack. Dipper tests the height-altering crystal flashlight on a Mystery Shack snowglobe. Cut to Dipper, Mabel, Stan, Soos, Wendy, Pacifica and Sheriff Blubs standing in the exit tubes.
Dipper Okay everyone. We get in, rescue Ford, get out, save the world. Piece of cake.
Pacifica Just so we're clear. If I die, I'm suing all of you.
Stan Hey, on second thought, maybe we could come up with a plan that doesn't involve us plummeting to our certain death.
Wendy Now! (Presses a button and they are pulled up out of the tubes and shot out of the Gobblewonker's mouth, screaming. They fall towards the Fearamid's opening)
Dipper Oh, man, oh, man...
Mabel (Doing cartwheels through the air) WOOHOO! HAHAHA!
They open their parachutes as they approach the Fearamid. They all land and remove their parachutes. All of them gasp upon seeing Bill's throne.
Dipper Oh, man. It looks even worse up close.
Mabel (Shoots her grappling hook, which lands on Manly Dan and pulls herself up to the throne) I found Great Uncle Ford! (Tosses the grappling hook down) He's golden. But not in the good way!
Stan Great! Grab him and let's get out of here.
Dipper But how are we going to unfreeze them?
Gideon (Offscreen) I know! (Onscreen, dancing in a cage)
Mabel Gideon! What happened to you?
Gideon Bill captured me. He's been forcing me to do cute dances in this cage for all eternity. (Sobbing) I'm so tired of being cute!
Dipper How do we undo this?
Gideon Mayor Tyler. He's the load-bearing human. Pull him out, and the whole thing goes down.
Dipper pulls at Tyler's arm. He rattles before turning back to normal and breaking free. This sets off a chain reaction, causing the chair to collapse. As it does, the residents are returned to normal. Deputy Durland hits Gideon's cage, knocking it down and breaking it, freeing Gideon.
Lazy Susan Ugh. My mouth tastes like nightmares.
Robbie (Falls down on his head) Aah! I think I'm dark and tortured for reals now.
Tad Strange This experience will forever scar Tad Strange.
Gideon (Rips off his costume) No more SAILOR SUIT! (Pants)
Manly Dan and his sons hug Wendy.
Manly Dan Wendy!
Wendy Guys!
Pacifica Mom! Dad!
Sheriff Blubs Durland! (Runs to Durland, knocking over Priscilla and Preston)
Deputy Durland My Blubs!
Sheriff Blubs Don't you ever scare me like that again. (Hugs him)
Everyone claps and cheers.
Ford (Unfreezes) Kids! Aah, you did it! I knew I could count on you two. Haha! (To McGucket:) Fiddleford. I--I haven't seen you since we parted ways. You must hate me.
McGucket I've tried forgettin'. Maybe I should try forgiving. Come here, old friend. (Hugs Ford)
Stan Hey, good to see you too, bro. Now let's get outta here, huh?
Dipper Listen, Uncle Ford, we don't have a lot of time. Remember how you told me right before you were frozen that you knew Bill's weakness?
Mabel Yeah, a secret way to defeat him?
Ford I--I do! (Pulls on gloves) Now, does anyone have a pen? Pencil? Anything? (Sees Robbie's spraypaint can) Ah. (Grabs the can) Perfect. (Draws with the spraypaint)
Dipper Uh, we've got Bill outside, but I don't know how long we can keep him occupied.
Ford Yes, yes. Good, good.
Stan Drawing a circle on the floor. Well, he's lost his mind.
Ford My mind is fine. And there is a way to beat him. With this.
Shot pulls back to show that Ford has drawn the Zodiac.
Pacifica The world's most confusing game of hopscotch?
Ford No, a prophecy. Although it would be a pretty fun game of hopscotch. (Cut to Ford as a young man in a cave approaching a painting of Bill's wheel. Voice-over from the present:) Many years ago I found ten symbols in a cave. Some I recognized then, some I only recognize now. The native people of Gravity Falls prophesied that these symbols could create a force strong enough to vanquish Bill. With Bill defeated, his weirdness would be reversed and the town could be saved. (Flashback ends) This whole time I though that it was just superstition. But seeing you all here now, I finally understand that it's destiny. Dipper, the pine tree. Mabel, the shooting star.
Dipper and Mabel (Step on their respective spots)
Soos The question mark. This one's unsolvable.
Wendy (Pushes Robbie onto the broken heart symbol) That one's easy. You've been rockin' that dumb hoodie since the seventh grade.
Robbie Whoa. Destiny hoodie.
Dipper The Tent of Telepathy sign! That must be Gideon.
Gideon (Stands on it) Whoo! An excuse to stand next to Mabel.
Mabel Don't turn this into a big deal.
Gideon Oh, I won't. (Whispering:) I will.
Cut to Bill with the Shacktron. It punches him and holds him to the ground.
Bill (Noticies the leg outside of the shield) What the... Hey, Achillles! Nice work with the HEEL! (Rips off the leg) FORE! (Hits the Shack with the leg and it rolls away)
Cut to inside the Fearamid.
Ford Hold hands, everyone. This is a mystical human energy circuit.
Dipper Ice? Who's ice?
Ford The symbols needn't all be literal, Dipper. It just has to be someone cool in the face of danger.
Lee, Nate, Tambry, Thompson Wendy! Wendy!
Wendy Heheh. Shut up, you guys. (Stands on the ice bag symbol)
Ford Much like the spectacles need to be someone scholarly.
McGucket (Stands on the glasses symbol) Heeheh!
Pacifica (Stands on the llama symbol and looks at the llama sweater she's wearing) This is freaky.
Ford Now hold hands, everyone.
McGucket (Holds out his hand, which has flies around it, to Pacifica)
Pacifica Ew! I'm not touching that.
Preston Do it, sweetie. Do the one thing no one in our family has ever done: touch the hillbilly.
Pacifica (Holds McGucket's hand and everyone in the circle glows. Thunder rumbles and smoke circles around the Fearamid.)
Dipper Great Uncle Ford! It think it's working!
McGucket Hoohoo! Heehahahaha!
Ford Yes! This is it! (To the people outside the circle:) The rest of you get out. It's too dangerous!
The people not in the circle run away.
Ford We just need one more person...Stanley! Stanley, get over here. You're the only one left.
Stan You realize this is a bunch of hogwash, right? You really think some caveman graffiti is gonna stop that monster?
Gideon Dang it, old man! Now's not the time!
Wendy Come on!
Pacifica What are you doing? You're gonna ruin this!
Robbie I've never held hands this long and I am very uncomfortable.
Stan Whoa. Hey. I'm not the enemy here, people. Don't forget who literally created the end of the world.
Ford I'm sorry, Stanley. I know. Just help me fix it. Please.
Stan Fine. Just do one thing. Say "thank you."
Ford What?
Stan I spent thirty years trying to bring you back into this dimension and you still haven't thanked me! You want me to shake your hand? Say "thank you."
Ford Fine. Thank you.
Stan (Holds Ford's and Soos' hands) Now, see. Between me and him, I'm not always the bad twin.
Ford Between "him and me." (Beat) Grammar, Stanley.
Stan I'll "grammar Stanley" you! (Lets go of Soos' hand and hits Ford) You stuck up son of a gun! I mean come on!
Ford (Lets go of Robbie's hand and hits Stanley) Don't jeopardize this, you idiot! Everything's on the line!
Mabel Guys, stop it!
Dipper and Mabel pull at Stan and Ford, who are fighting and yelling unintelligibly at each other.
Dipper Join hands!
Ford and Stan stop fighting as Bill approaches.
Bill Oh no, it's Bill. Right? Isn't that what you're all thinking? Hey, Gideon, why aren't you dancing? Chop chop, huh?
Cut to first end card.
Bill Ha ha ha ho! This is just too perfect! Didn't you brainiacs know the zodiac doesn't work if you don't all hold hands? And what's better, you've brought every threat to my power together in one easy-to-destroy CIRCLE! (Burns the circle)
Dipper Oh no!
Pacifica (Notices that her hair is on fire and pats it) Ah! My hair!
Robbie (Notices that his hair is on fire and pats it) Ah! My hair also!
Bill (Grabs Stan and Ford) You guys wanna see what happens to your friends when you can't get along?
McGucket Hey! You give them back!
Gideon You've gone too far, Cipher!
Wendy Yeah! We're not scared of you! (Grabs her ax)
McGucket (Grabs his banjo)
Bill Oh, but you should be. (Snaps and everyone except Dipper, Mabel, Ford and Stan floats up beside him)
Mabel Ah!
Dipper Oh no!
Bill You know, this castle could really use some decorATIONS! (The people who he was holding up are replaced by tapestries with pictures of them screaming in front of their symbols) Looks like it's too late for your friends, Stanford.
Dipper and Mabel scream as a cage encases them.
Stan Ah! Kids!
Bill But you can still save your family. Last chance: tell me how to take Weirdmageddon global and I'll spare the kids!
Dipper No! Don't do it!
Mabel Yeah! Bill makes bad deals!
Bill Don't you toy with me, shooting star. I see EVERYTHI--! (Eye shows a picture of a galaxy; as Mabel sprays paint in his eye) Ow! Not again! Why?! Every time!
Stan Nice shot, pumpkin.
Ford and Stan are released from Bill's arms and fall to the ground.
Bill I just regenerated that eye!
Mabel I know that hurts because I've accidentally done it to myself! Multiple times!
Dipper pulls out the height-altering crystal flashlight and enlarges their cage. Dipper and Mabel jump out as Bill continues to scream in pain.
Dipper Save yourselves. Run! We'll take care of Bill!
Ford What? That's a suicide mission!
Dipper Trust us. We've beat him before...
Mabel ...and we'll beat him again! (Fist bumps Dipper) Hey! Bill! Come and get us, you pointy jerk!
Bill growls. Dipper and Mabel run off into the Fearamid. Before leaving, Mabel blows a raspberry.
Ford What? No! It's too dangerous!
Ford and Stan start to run after Dipper and Mabel, but Bill puts them in a cage.
Bill (Opens eye) Not so fast. You two wait here! (Turns red and grows six arms) I've got some children I need to make into corpses. (Deep voice:) Seeya real soon. (Runs off)
Stan No! Wait! No! No! Oh, what do we do? What do we do?!
Ford (Bangs on bars) Kids!
Dipper and Mabel run through the Fearamid, with Bill chasing them.
Bill When I get my hands on you kids I'm gonna DISSASEMBLE YOUR MOLECULES! You've tricked me for the last time! (Tries to grab them, but they fly away on the grappling hook)
Cut to Ford and Stan.
Stan Oh, I can't believe this. The kids are gonna die and it's all my fault. Because I couldn't shake your stupid hand! Uh, dad was right about me. I am a screw-up.
Ford Ah, don't blame yourself. I'm the one who made a deal with Bill in the first place. I fell for all his easy flattery. You would have seen him for the scam artist he is.
Stan How did things get so messed up between us?
Ford We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it?
Stan Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better. (As Ford stands up) Whoa, where you goin'?
Ford I'm going to play the only card we have left. Let Bill into my mind. He'll be able to take over the galaxy and maybe even worse, but at least he might let the kids free.
Stan What?! Are you kiddin' me?! Are you honestly telling me there's nothing else we can do?!
Ford Bill's only weak in the mind space. If I didn't have this darn plate in my head we could just erase him with the memory gun when he steps inside my mind.
Stan What if he goes into my mind? My brain isn't good for anything.
Ford Heheh. There's nothing in your mind he wants. It has to be me. We need to take his deal. It's the only way he'll agree to save you and the kids.
Stan Do you really think he's gonna make good on that deal?
Ford What other choice do we have?
Cut to Dipper and Mabel running through the Fearamid. They scream as they reach a dead end.
Dipper You know, I'm starting to think there's no way out of here.
Mabel Like Grunkle Stan always says, when one door closes choose a nearby wall and bash it in with brute force. (Grows her hand with the flashlight and punches through the wall) AHHH! (Shrinks her hand back to normal)
Dipper Ha! Now let's round up the townsfolk and together we can defeat...oh, no! (Sees the rest of the refugees tied on the ground, guarded by the demons)
Grenda You'll never take us alive, monsters!
Teeth That's fine with us! (Eats Schmebulock)
Dipper Oh, no.
Bill Peeka-boo! (Catches them in a tractor beam)
Dipper and Mabel Aaah!
Bill (Re-enters the main room with Dipper and Mabel in his hand) Alright, Ford. Time's up. I've got the kids. I think I'm gonna kill one of 'em now just for the heck of it! EENIE..MEENIE...MINEE (Eye switches between the pine tree and shooting star symbol with each word, then ends on the shooting star)...YOU!! (Holds up his other hand)
Stan (Wearing Ford's clothes and imitating Ford's voice) Wait! I surrender.
Bill Good choice. (Drops Dipper and Mabel)
Ford (Wearing Stan's clothes and imitating Stan's voice) Don't do it, Ford, it'll destroy the universe!!
Stan It's the only way.
Bill HAHAHAHA! Oh, even when you're about to die, you Pines twins can't get along. (Drops the cage and ties up Ford)
Stan My only condition is that you let my brother and the kids go!
Bill Fine.
Dipper No, Grunkle Ford! Don't trust him!
Bill It's a...DEAL! (Holds Stan's hand, then enters the mental realm) Ahaha! Hahaha! AHAHAHAHAHA! (Enters Stan's mind) Oh, I'm here. I'm finally here. Look at this place: a perfect, calm, orderly void. Gotta hand it to ya, Ford. You really know how to clear your m-- (Opens the door to see Stan on his chair in the Mystery Shack's living room with a paddleball)
Stan (Makes a clicking sound and points a finger-gun at Bill)
Bill WHAT?!
Stan Heh heh! Do a pretty good impression of my brother, don't I? Switch clothes and no one can tell us apart. Welcome to my mind. Surprised you didn't recognize it.
Outside of Stan's mind, Ford takes off Stan's fez and pulls out the memory erasing gun. He enters "Stanley Pines" and aims it at his brother. Cut back to Stan's mind.
Bill What?! The deal's off! (Turns around but the door shuts) What the...No, no, no, no!
The room starts to burn with blue fire.
Stan Oh yeah. You're going down, Bill. You're gettin' erased. Memory gun. Pretty clever, huh?
Bill Y-you idiot! Don't you realize you're destroying your own mind, too?!
Stan Eh. It's not like I was using this space for much, anyway.
Bill Let me outta here! Let me OUT! Why isn't this working?!
Stan Hey, look at me. Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family.
Bill You're making a mistake! I'll give you anything! (Eye shows a picture of a dollar sign, a star, a pot of gold and a galaxy) Money! Fame! Riches! Infinite power! Your own galaxy! Please! (Bends and melts) No! What's happening to me?! (Flashes between several distorted forms; spoken in reverse:) A-X-O-L-O-T-L! My time has come to burn! I invoke the ancient power that I may return! (Speaking normally:) STAAANNLLEEEEY!
Stan (Punches Bill in the eye, breaking him up into many pieces; pants, then picks up a picture of him with Dipper, Mabel and Waddles) Heh. Guess I was good for something after all.
The flames engulf him. Cut to outside of Stan's mind. Once Ford finishes erasing Stan's memory he drops the memory erasing gun. The others from the wheel return to normal and drop to the floor. Outside of the Fearamid, the rift sucks all of the demons back into the portal. Teeth spits out the gnome as he gets pulled away.
The Horrifying Sweaty One-Armed Monstrosity Hey! Hey!
The Fearamid is deconstructed and pulled into the rift. Once it is gone, a wave washes over the town, restoring it to its pre-Weirdmageddon state. The townsfolk look around, and Xyler, Craz and Rumble McSkirmish all fade away. The forest is shown with a bird landing on a statue of Bill, covered in moss and vegetation. Cut to another part of the forest with Stan still collapsed on the ground. He opens his eyes.
Mabel (Runs up to Stan and puts his fez on him) Oh, my gosh! Grunkle Stan, you did it!
Stan Oh, uh, hey there...kiddo. What's your name?
Mabel Eheh. Grunkle Stan?
Stan Heh. (Looks around) Who you talkin' to?
Mabel C-cmon. It's me. It's me, Grunkle Stan. (As Dipper pulls her back) Grunkle Stan, it's me!
Ford We had to erase his mind to defeat Bill. It's all gone. Stan has no idea, but he did it. He saved the world. He saved me. (Kneels down next to Stan) You're our hero, Stanley. (Hugs him)
Mabel sits down and cries. Dipper puts his hand on her shoulder and cries as well. Cut to everyone in front of the Mystery Shack, which is laying in a heap in the woods. They walk up to the door. Dipper punches the door until it comes down. Everyone walks into the living room, Dipper and Mabel holding Stan's hands.
Stan Hey, this is a real nice place you got here.
Dipper It's your place, Grunkle Stan.
Mabel Don't you remember? Even a little?
Stan (Sitting down in the recliner) Nope. But this chair hugs my butt like it remembers. Ah. (Looks at everyone else, who are looking at him sadly) Hey, why the long faces? You guys look like it's someone's funeral. (Whispering:) Who's that big guy crying in the corner?
Soos (Sobs and turns away)
Dipper We saved the world, but what's the point? Grunkle Stan's not himself anymore.
Mabel There's gotta be something we can do to jog his memory.
Ford There isn't. I'm sorry. Stan's gone.
Mabel I know my Grunkle is in there somewhere. There's gotta be something around here that can help bring him back. (Grabs her scrapbook, sits next to Stan in the recliner and opens it) This'll work! This has to work! Here's the first day we came to Gravity Falls, Grunkle Stan. And here's a macaroni interpretation of my emotions. (Flips through the pages)
Dipper That time we went fishing? That Summerween we spent together? Don't you remember anything?
Stan I'm sorry. I don't know what this is or who you are or-
Waddles (Jumps up on Stan)
Stan Gah! Quit it, Waddles! I'm trying to remember my life story!
Dipper and Mabel (Gasp)
Dipper What did you say?
Stan I said get Waddles off of me.
Ford (Gasps) It's working. Keep reading.
Soos Skip to my page! He needs to remember our boss-employee relationship.
Stan Hey, just cuz I have amnesia, don't go tryin' to give yourself a raise, Soos. (Sits in the chair)
Dipper It's happening! Keep going!
Mabel Okay. Okay. "Day two. Grunkle Stan smells weird but we're starting to bond. He told us a lot about being a business man in the '80s and seemed happy when we pretended to listen. He also gave me a grappling hook which everyone is impressed by. And in more important news, I met some neighborhood hotties." (Laughs)
Everyone else laughs with her. Cut to a woodpecker landing on the Welcome to Gravity Falls sign. A gnome pops up and eats the bird.
Shandra (Offscreen) Good morning, Gravity Falls. It's another beautiful day, but every day is beautiful now that the...unpleasantness is over.
Lazy Susan (Wipes a drawing of Bill off of her window)
Sprott (Chasing some Eye Bats out of his barn) Git outta here, you ornery critters!
Cut to a zombie popping out of the ground. Greg Valentino pushes it back into the ground with his foot.
Greg Ah, good as new. (To Janice, who pushes one in the ground with a shovel as another grabs her leg:) Oh! Looks like you've got a friend.
Janice Robbie, would you be a dear and get us the sawed-off shotgun?
Robbie Ugh. Fine! Whatever!
Mayor Befufftlefumpter (Pops out of the ground as a zombie) Brains, and so forth.
Janice Nope. None of that, thank you. (Pushes him back into the ground and she and Greg laugh)
Cut to Tyler Cutebiker standing on a podium in front of a crowd.
Tyler None of us really understand what just happened and none of us want to. That's why I'm passing the Never Mind All That Act. If anyone goes asking around about the "events" of the last few days, what do we say? (A banner saying "NEVER MIND ALL THAT" drops)
Crowd Never mind all that!
Sheriff Blubs And if you break the rules, we're gonna zap you.
Deputy Durland (Waving tasers) Zap! Zap! We're mad with power!
Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland (Drop their tasers and grab each others' faces) And love.
Shandra Jimenez (Offscreen:) In other news, the Northwest family has gone broke. After pledging his allegiance to Bill and then placing all his savings in weirdness bonds, Preston Northwest had to sell his mansion to preserve his family fortune.
Cut to Preston and Priscilla crying as the some workers hand a "FOR SALE" banner on the gate.
Priscilla (To Pacifica:) You're only going to have one pony now.
Shot closes in on Pacifica's horrified face accompanied by dramatic music.
Shandra But fortunes have also turned for local maniac, Fiddleford McGucket, who, after regaining his sanity, has made millions overnight submitting his patents to the US government.
McGucket I'm gonna buy me a bigger shed! (Pointing to the Northwest Manor) Hey, that one's for sale!
Shandra In other good news, town hero, Stanley Pines, has fully recovered his memory and will be throwing a party to celebrate his niece and nephew's thirteenth birthday and final day in town. But other than that, I can safely say our beloved Gravity Falls is back to normal. And now, Bodacious T, with sports.
Toby Determined (Holding a skull and bat) It's called, "death ball."
Cut to Dipper and Mabel standing in front of a cake with many townsfolk.
Crowd (Singing:) ...to you. (Cheers)
Mabel I can't believe you all got together just to throw a party for us.
Tyler After all the Pines family has done for the town, it's the least we could do. You've helped everyone here.
Gideon Thanks to y'all savin' us, I'm gonna learn to open my heart to kindness. No more evil-doin'. From now on, I'm gonna try to be Li'l Gideon, regular ol' kid.
Cut to Gideon at a park on a skateboard.
Gideon Wa--oh! Woo! I'm bustin' a move on this skatin' board.
Boy (Walking past Gideon) More like busting your pants, loser. (Laughs)
Gideon looks over at Ghost-Eyes and another prison buddy on the teeter-totter. He snaps his fingers and the two go after the boy. Offscreen, they beat him up and the boy screams. Gideon giggles. Cut back to the party.
Soos Dude! Make a wish, dawg.
Dipper You know, on my first day here, if you had asked me what I wanted, I would have said, "adventure, mystery, true friends." But looking here at all of you I realize that every wish came true. (Chuckles) I have everything I wanted.
Mabel If I had only one wish it would be to shrink all of you with the shrink ray and bring you home with us in my pocket. But since that's impossible... (To Ford:) Is that impossible?
Ford (Waves his hand up and down and shrugs)
Mabel Since that's probably impossible, my only wish is for everyone to sign my scrapbook. I'll never forget you guys. Wait. (Sets the memory gun on the floor and smashes it) Now I'll never forget you guys. (She and Dipper blow out the candles)
Wendy (Hugs them) I now officially declare you technically teenagers. Welcome to angst and acne forever.
Wendy, Tambry, Robbie, Lee, Nate and Thompson One of us! One of us!
Blubs and Durland WOOPEE! (Fire a cannon)
Soos So how do you feel?
Mabel Same-y, but different-y.
Pacifica Hey, you two. When are you gonna open your presents already? I broke a nail wrapping them.
Mabel (She and Dipper laugh) Pacifica.
Dipper and Mabel each grab a present. Stan claps.
Ford Stanley, I need to talk to you. (Leads him behind the shack) I didn't wanna say anything with everyone listening, but we've got a problem. Weirdmageddon has been contained but I'm detecting some strange new anomalies near the arctic ocean. (Shows a holographic map of the world on his watch) I want to go investigate it but I think I might be too old to go it alone.
Stan Are you sayin' you need someone to help you sail around the world in the adventure of a lifetime?
Ford I don't just want someone to come with me Stanley, I want it to be you. (Gives him a photo of them as kids posing on the Stan-o-War) Will you give me a second chance?
Stan You think we'll find treasure? And babes?
Ford Heh! I'd say there's a high probability. But, what should we do with the Mystery Shack?
Stan I think the town's had enough mystery for one lifetime. Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Stan and Ford start talking unintelligibly. Soos walks up behind them, eating cake, and gasps when he overhears their conversation. Cut to Stan and Ford on the porch with Dipper and Mabel.
Stan (Tapping a Pitt cola bottle) Everyone. I have an announcement to make. Me and my...heh!... nerdy bro over here have some catchin' up to do. We're gonna be away for a while. That's why I'm shutting down the Mystery Shack for good.
Crowd (Gasp and murmur)
Soos You shut down your mouth for good! I'm sorry, Mr. Pines. It's just that this shack is the most magical place on Earth. Sure, the attractions are all fake, but dreams aren't fake! (Holds up a fiji mermaid taxidermy) Like, this mermaid. It's not just a dead fish butt sewn to a monkey carcass. It's a marvelous creature that makes us believe that anything is possible. You shut down this shack, and you shut down our dreams! At least...my dreams.
Crowd Aww.
Stan (Sighs) I'm sorry, Soos. It's just, there's no one around to run it. At least, there wouldn't be if I hadn't just found the perfect replacement. (Puts his fez on Soos) Ladies and gentleman, the Mystery Shack is under new management.
Crowd (Cheers)
Soos You...you mean it, Mr. Mystery?
Stan You're Mr. Mystery now, Soos. Try not to burn the place down.
Abuelita (Carrying luggage and assorted items, with a 'Movers' truck in tow) I'll move in immediately.
The partygoers keep cheering. Cut to the Mystery Shack later that evening. The screen shows the empty attic. Cut to the Pines, Soos, Wendy, Candy, Grenda and Waddles at the bus stop.
Candy Do you really have to go? There's still so much we haven't done together.
Mabel Summer's over, Candy. It's time for us to grow up.
Dipper But not too much.
Grenda Aaah! I hate my dumb heart for making me feel things. (Punches herself) Cut. It. Out. Heart!
Soos Hey, can you punch my heart, too?
Candy No, mine! Punch my feelings away.
Mabel (Hugs Candy and Grenda) Candy and Grenda, thank you for being my people. You'll always be my best friends. Grunkle Stan, thanks for wearing my goodbye sweater.
Stan Ah, it's cold out. I had to.
Soos What? But it's like eighty-something degrees out today.
Stan and Ford Can it, Soos!
Dipper, Mabel, Candy and Grenda laugh.
Wendy (Kneels next to Dipper) Hey, you mean a lot to me, man.
Dipper (Fist-bumps Wendy) You, too.
Wendy (Switches hats with Dipper) Something to remember me by. (Handing Dipper a letter) Oh, and this. Read it the next time you miss Gravity Falls.
A bus pulls up.
Bus Driver Last bus leaving Gravity Falls. All aboard.
Mabel Guess we've said goodbye to everyone except...Waddles. I...I don't know how to explain this but... (sighs) Mom and Dad won't let me bring a pig home to California so... you have to stay here!
Waddles (Pulls Mabel's skirt)
Mabel (Trying to push Waddles off of her; starts to cry) Come on. Come on. I have to go. I'm...I'm sorry, Waddles.
Stan Agh! You know what? Forget it! I lived with this pig all summer, now your parents are gonna have to. (Puts Waddles on the bus) Hey, bus guy! This pig is comin' with the kids.
Bus Driver Now, hold on a second. Bringing animals aboard a moving vehicle is strictly prohibited by--
Stan pulls out his brass knuckles and Ford shows his gun.
Bus Driver Wah...welcome aboard. You can sit in the front row, pig.
Stan Kids, you knuckleheads were nothin' but a nuisance and I'm glad to be rid of ya.
Mabel (She and Dipper hug him) We'll miss you too, Grunkle Stan.
Dipper Ready to head into the unknown?
Mabel Nope. Let's do it.
They get on the bus and it drives away. Everyone runs after the bus shouting their farewells.
Mabel Bye! Bye, everybody! We'll miss you.
Dipper Bye! I'll miss you guys, too!
Ford puts his hand on Stan's shoulder.
Dipper (Narrating:) If you've ever taken a road trip through the Pacific Northwest, you've probably seen a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls.
Cut to McGucket walking into the Northwest Manor. He drops his sack and banjo on the ground.
McGucket Well, I've moved in.
Dipper It's not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it. Some people think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait.
At the Mystery Shack, Soos unveils a statue of Stan. The kids run away screaming. Cut to Ford and Stan on a boat. A giant squid attacks them and Stan punches it. Cut to Dipper and Mabel on the bus and Mabel is asleep.
Dipper Take a trip. Find it. It's out there somewhere in the woods. Waiting. (Opens the letter, which has signatures from various people and says "See you next summer."; Dipper smiles)
We then see the scrolling closing credits in the form of Mabel's scrapbook with various pictures such as Waddles playing with the bubble; Dipper and Mabel setting off firecrackers; Mabel doing crazy poses while taking a selfie such as blowing a dandelion and "eating" a sun; Wendy makes a "crazy face" in front of the camera; Dipper clones #3 and #4 relaxing under the tent during the rain; Stan trying out the grappling hook while holding Ford; Mabel painting Ford's fingers; Old Man McGucket, his raccoon wife, and his son Tate relaxing in the pool; Quentin Trembley looking yonder at Gravity Falls while sitting on his horse backwards; Mabel, Grenda and Candy doing quick poses in a photo booth; the Pines family watching TV and them asleep the next day; some objects in the Mystery Shack like the antique diving helmet and the jar of eyeballs; a tree shows a number of heart carving with one of them saying Mabel+Gabe, possibly about Mabel's ex-boyfriends; a snack bar in the Mystery Shack where a kid takes one cookie bag; Grenda and Candy during the final days of summer traveling in the yacht with Marius von Fundshauser when Grenda vigorously kisses him; and the final picture before the credits end shows Dipper and Mabel sleeping in the bus seat as they reach their hometown of Piedmont, California. Before the series ends with the last end card, there is a live action shot of Bill's petrified statue hidden in the woods.

Template:Transcripts

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